Why did Paul Walker drown?
Because he was too busy carpooling.
Death Jokes
Don't leave us hanging, Sayori.
I'll never forget my brother's last words: "Why is there a revolver in your hand?"
I love fire. My friends love it too. When I set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.
What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
Crucifixion was the first T-pose.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment.
Why did Mimi cross the road?
She had cancer.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off its head.
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.
What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?
This would be much better if you were alive.
What's the difference between my phone and my sister?
I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Seven’s been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.
Did you hear about the unborn fetus? Oh wait, never mind, it must have been aborted from the sight.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”
What's yellow and can't float?
A school bus full of children.
Necrophilia in Alabama is fun for the whole family, even grandma.
What is the difference between a pile of dead babies and a red Ferrari?
I don't have the Ferrari.
