A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said: “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”
I believe "Self-Baptism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt."
Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.
While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."
So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"
Why did Kayla go to the river when she was sad?
To drown herself.
What's worse than a bag of dead babies? One at the bottom is still wriggling.
If you overdose on Viagra, do you die... hard?
What were Brian Cant's last words before he died?
"I used to do it, but now I cant!"
What do you call a zombie?
Nothing because zombies aren’t real, and if they were, you would be dead.
What's worse than a pile of dead babies?
One at the bottom that's still alive.
What's worse than that?
It's forced to eat its way out.
What's even worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
How long does it take a baby to cook in the microwave?
I don't know. I close my eyes when I masturbate.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends, how hard can you throw them?
Why did the family move away?
Because they lost their son.
What do you tell a dead metal fan?
Rust in peace.
What do you call a downy under water?
Dead fish
What does a dead baby look like?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
Two of my grandpas died in WW2.
Their tower fell over.
What has more brains than Kurt Cobain?
The wall behind him.
Fatty and Skinny were in a bed.
Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.
I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:
If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?
Do you know who didn't graduate high school this year?
The Parkland kids.
