Death jokes
Suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry.
So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."
Why does Kurt Cobain hate his brother?
Because he's always calling shotgun.
I bought a new shotgun the other day. Want to know what I called it?
Kurt Cobain's microphone.
What's better than throwing dead babes?
Catching them after with a pitchfork.
What’s the difference between a mother and a fetus at an abortion office?
Only one of them is scared.
Stephen Hawking didn’t die.
His charger broke.
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"
I have a joke about death.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Think about it :)
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get ran over by a truck.
How did Stephen Hawking really die?
His wife grounded him from using electronics and unplugged everything!
A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"
One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."
What's Yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of dead babies.
My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.
What's worse than 2 dead babies in a trash bin? Two babies in one trash bin.
How did Sally die?
She got shot.
How did Sally die?
She got shot.
How? She could not run away.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He tried to update to Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.