Death jokes
What's Yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of dead babies.
My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.
What's worse than 2 dead babies in a trash bin? Two babies in one trash bin.
How did Sally die?
She got shot.
How did Sally die?
She got shot.
How? She could not run away.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He tried to update to Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.
An old man walks in a forest with a child, and the child says, "It's dark, and I'm scared." The old man says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk out alone."
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
I will always remember the last noise I hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf***ers," click, boom!
What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.
"I’m sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral.
God, I miss Stephen Hawking.
He was brainier than Kurt Cobain's ceiling.
A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a "no". His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, "Why do you keep asking me to croak?" The granddaughter replies, "Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland."
Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.
Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.
How do you make a plumber sad?
Kill his family.
Mom! I think that dad is sleeping.
Mom: No, honey, I killed him.
Digging stuff up is too hard.
I guess necrophilia isn’t for everybody.