As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
Death Jokes
Why is it better to date an orphan?
Their parents are never home.
What is Meat Loaf's new name now that he has passed?
Ground beef.
Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"
Who's Paul Walker's close friend?
Tree.
What hit the floor first, the emo or the apple? The apple, the rope stopped the emo.
Saying a Kobe joke after he died tends to ignite a fire in the people you say it to.
So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.
It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
I would tell a Paul Walker joke, but it would crash and burn.
Gather 6 friends to play Russian roulette, and one's mind will be blown away.
What do you call a bunch of depressed kids with AK47s?
Suicide squad. 😂😂😂
Your forehead so big, I think that's what Kobe crashed into.
What's cold, blue and makes women cry?
Cot death.
What happened when the depressed kid went to give it a high five?
It left him hanging.
I saw a kid sitting on the curb and I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" "You're parents did."
I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.
When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.
See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
His parents were on the other side!
