New Death Jokes - Page 53 - Worst Jokes Ever

I tried to start a music career, but it crashed harder than Paul Walker.

Let's stop this, it's not funny. Oh wait, the orphans are all gone with nobody. 😂

Your mom so ugly that Paul Walker died.

How many thots have I bullied?

Three. The rest are dead.

If the noose breaks, stab yourself!

If the knife is dull, shoot yourself!

If the gun's out of ammo, *YOU'RE HERE TO SUFFER ETERNALLY.*

The depressed kid wanted a high-five from the tree, but it left him hangin'.

There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”

The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”

The third blonde says “so we go at night.”

Why can't orphans learn about Ancient Egypt? Because they won't know what a mummy is.

Do you know why dead baby jokes are always funny?

They never get old.

So Little Johnny saw a robbery, so he tried to stop the robber. To the robber's surprise, he was amazed. So Johnny got 20 shots to the head. The End.

If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"

As tragic as school shootings are, it's also a quick way to a late-term abortion.

A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.

Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.

A little girl said one day, "Grandma's gonna die tonight!" The next morning, the girl's grandmother's body was found.

That day she said again, "Grandpa's gonna die tonight!" Sure enough, the girl's grandfather died and his body was discovered the next morning.

That day she said, "Daddy's gonna die tonight." The girl's father was terrified. He lay shaking the entire night. Somehow, he survived until morning. His wife came into the room crying. He asked her why she was upset and she said that the postman had died last night.

What do dead people and orphans have in common? They can't see their family.

What does "off-limits" have in common with dead people? They can’t see their family.

I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"

Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.

I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.