Death jokes

My grandma just died from cancer.

My last words to her were “I like your cut, G.”

What do Christmas decorations and dead people have in common?

They both hang from a tree!

You call it suicide. I call it a failed parkour attempt.

What makes a child an orphan?

Their parents left them for good. :D

What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.

You call it death. I call it peace and quiet.

My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I went to ask my friend's mom if I could have a sleepover.

Then I remembered they did not have a mom or dad.

How can you tell when a female became a rape victim? She crossed herself out, hanging by with a Carlton dry.

RIP Harambe.

Are you a toaster?

'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.

Your Mom so fat that she went on to commit suicide, but the roof fell off.....

I told a diabetic boy to have sweet dreams, and he died the next morning.

Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?

I could be red, I could be orange, I could be yellow, I could be green, I could be blue, I could be purple, but I would be dead.

What’s the difference between a retard and a zombie? Nothing much, they both dribble, moan, are hungry, walk weirdly, and it takes a bullet in the head to put them both down.

Did you hear that nursing homes keep returning the new Paul Walkers?

They let the elderly move fast, but then burst into flames and burn the patients alive.

Say what you want about Paul Walker, but he was a smart guy.

You can tell by the quantity of brain matter on his dashboard.

Emo: Phone die.

Emo: Why not me? ;(

Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?

A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.