Death jokes
My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather. That is, until my mom took the urn away from me.
A skeleton decided to become an assassin.
He was always skull-king around!
Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.
The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”
An emo texted a tree, "Wanna hang out?"
The tree ghosted her.
Yo mama is so fat that a whole forest grew on her, but it was sad because she really smells, so the forest died.
My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.
What's the difference between life and death? Life hurts.
Imagine you're playing GTA and you finally found out how to take out a gun: Option 1: shoot someone Option 2: suicide
Me: Aren't they the same thing?
What do you call someone smart and dead?
Stephen Hawking...
What do ya call an emo that's hung himself? Hangman.
"Knock, knock."
"Orphan: Who's there?"
"Not your parents."
I'll never forget my grampa's last words, "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
People joking about 9/11.
Random kid: "You shouldn’t joke about that! I lost my dad on 9/11."
Oh.
"Yeah, he was the greatest pilot ever!"
I tried to start a music career, but it crashed harder than Paul Walker.
Let's stop this, it's not funny. Oh wait, the orphans are all gone with nobody. 😂
Your mom so ugly that Paul Walker died.
How many thots have I bullied?
Three. The rest are dead.
If the noose breaks, stab yourself!
If the knife is dull, shoot yourself!
If the gun's out of ammo, *YOU'RE HERE TO SUFFER ETERNALLY.*
The depressed kid wanted a high-five from the tree, but it left him hangin'.
There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”
The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”
The third blonde says “so we go at night.”