Death jokes
Grandma isn’t responding. Close app, wait, cancel.
Which do you choose?
If it’s called the “living room,” why did my grandma die there?
Do you know Stephen is dead? He doesn't have a stone. Do you know how to find him? A metal detector.
What you call suicide, I call a failed speedrun attempt.
Kobe never missed a shot, but he missed the helipad.
I'm going to hell!
What kind of streets do ghosts haunt?
Dead ends.
How do you break an orphan's wall in their room in the orphanage?
Tell them to put a tally on the wall with a pen for every second their parents are missing.
Are you with Alex?
Fucking retarded. Go dig a home die, people!
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
Why is it better to date an orphan?
Their parents are never home.
What is Meat Loaf's new name now that he has passed?
Ground beef.
Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"
Who's Paul Walker's close friend?
Tree.
What hit the floor first, the emo or the apple? The apple, the rope stopped the emo.
Saying a Kobe joke after he died tends to ignite a fire in the people you say it to.
So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.
It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
I would tell a Paul Walker joke, but it would crash and burn.
Gather 6 friends to play Russian roulette, and one's mind will be blown away.