Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
Me: Mom, I'm tired.
Mom: "Then go to sleep."
Me: No, you don't understand-
Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
My wrists have a different texture pack than the rest of me.
So a kid walks in the house and says: " mommy, mommy, I found daddy". And the mother says: " stop digging around in the garden, and let you Father rest in peace.
Whats the laziest mountain
Mount Ever-rest
After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest.
I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!
Give a man a match he'll be warm for a while but set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.
2 old people sitting on a bench one turns to the other and says my butt fell asleep the other says yep i heard it snore a couple of times
My thighs have a different texture pack than the rest of me.
Why did the dog 🐶 wake up tired?
It had a ruff night. 😂
roses are red, unlike the rest, i'm the one who has your IP address.
What time is it when you walk in to the wall ? Time to get to bed 🛏
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued your blood was delectable and so was the rest of you.
I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned
I just heard that the inventor of the autocorrect died the other day.
May he rest in pizza.
Me: Oh man, things are really happening for me! I have so much to do!
Depression: Lie in bed
My Friends- Maya-I only Get 9 hours of sleep.-Josh- 9 hours I get 7 hours of sleep- Noah-You get 7 I get 4 hours of sleep-Me- You Guys are getting sleep. . .
