Day jokes
For my birthday on September 11th this year, I just want a plane, but delicious, chocolate cake.
One day a teacher says: "What does a pig give us?"
A student says: "Bacon!"
The teacher says: "Good! Now, what does a chicken give us?"
A student says: "Eggs!"
The teacher says: "Good! Now, what does a fat cow give us?"
A student says: "Homework!"
The whole class laughs.
Quote of the day:
Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.
[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]
My grandfather said that ppl rely on technology too much these days, so I thought about what he said and decided to unplug his life support.
One person said you are much more beautiful than Cinderella. The next day, you're in court and Cinderella is the witness.
(P.S. she was born to be a drama queen.)
One day, a man visited an orphanage.
Then he sees a kid crying. The man asked, "Where are your parents?"
The kid cries even harder.
When's the best day to get the chair? Fry-day.
My friend looks more red than Mr. Krabs.
It’s weird, I could’ve sworn I saw the silhouette of a belt hurling towards him the other day.
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
"It's Sunday evening!"
"No. It's Monday eve."
Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.
Man's friend: Same.
Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.
Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.
Man: Oh great heavens!
I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.
A bully says, "I get 10x more girls than you" to a gay kid.
Then the gay kid says, "10 X 0 is still 0."
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
God, you’re having a good day?
Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.
Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.
Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!
I'd like to have kids one day.
I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
My dog died today. 😥
I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.
Normal Kids: Today is a lovely day.
Emo kids: Here lies Chris, he shot himself!