Day jokes

My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.

Who needs Singles Day when you're single for the rest of your life!

Good Morning, Sleepy-Head!

I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!

One morning I saw three kids were bullying one other kid because they didn't have a dad...

Later that day the three same kids were walking toward an orphanage. :)

You look pretty today... April Fools!

I don’t see why people say that emo kids don’t like to hangout. I seen them hanging all day.

One day, I was walking through a park when I realized it was crowded.

To this day, I still don't know who let the children out of my basement.

Why do orphans only have 354 days?

'Cause they are missing Mothers and Fathers day!

12/8?

The bell rings, and Ana was about to leave, but the teacher said, "The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."

The next day, Ana was late, and the teacher asked, "Why are you late?" Ana replied with, "The bell doesn't tell me when I should arrive, I do."

I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"

You learn something new every day.

Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.

Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.

I made sure it didn't outsmart me.

Normal Kids: Today is a lovely day.

Emo kids: Here lies Chris, he shot himself!

One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."

His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."

Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"

Get shanked with a lamb shank with a stinky pampa in the tolpan.

Hope everyone is having a good day! ❤️

You're walking one day and a little kid, about 5-6 years old, comes up to you asking, "What's a condom?" You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell them.

I was walking down the street one day, and I passed the gun store. I walked in, and everything was half off. I didn’t know back-to-school sales had started already!