Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.
Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.
Day Jokes
I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.
Hope everyone is having a good day! ❤️
You're walking one day and a little kid, about 5-6 years old, comes up to you asking, "What's a condom?" You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell them.
I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.
It's past April Fool's Day, and we still have a joke as president.
I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...
Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...
I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...
When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.
You learn something new every day.
Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.
My grief counselor died the other day.
He was so good at his job, I don't even care.
The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.
What's the most confusing day of the year for an illegitimate kid?
Father's Day.
Red sky at night, shepherd's delight.
Blue sky at night, day.
My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."
A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.
One day, I was walking down the street, and then I saw something really funny, and then I ran, and I saw a boomer, but I don't really know what I'm talking about, lol.
The patient said, "When will this be over?"
The doctor said, "After you die."
The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"
The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."
The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"
Jokes are like food, not everyone has it.
What's an orphan's least favorite day? Take your kid to work day.
What does an orphan do on school parents' day? Nothing.
There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.
When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.
She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"
54 students died that day.
