Day jokes
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.
A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.
One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”
Five more days.
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
Why [does] a tranny say "Have a good day" to a Jew?
He [is a] goy.
Which days are the strongest?
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day.
It was impossible to put down.
Quote Of The Day: Where there is no struggle, there is no strength.
Love you guys, and hope today was amazing!
Peace out! <3
One day, during lunch, a Spanish kid came up to my other friend and asked her questions in Spanish, and when she was about to say something, I popped out and said, “GO AWAY OR I WILL SUE YOU WITH BRIANNA’S SEVEN/7 LAWYERS!!!!(AKA, her seven/7 shoes.)”
One person said you are much more beautiful than Cinderella. The next day, you're in court and Cinderella is the witness.
(P.S. she was born to be a drama queen.)
I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
God, you’re having a good day?
Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.
"It's Sunday evening!"
"No. It's Monday eve."
My friend looks more red than Mr. Krabs.
It’s weird, I could’ve sworn I saw the silhouette of a belt hurling towards him the other day.
When's the best day to get the chair? Fry-day.
Why do orphans like boomerangs more than their parents? The boomerang comes back.
One day I saw a kid cry, so I go, "Let's go find your parents." I miss my job at the orphanage.
Why do orphans get lost on boats? They can't find the home room.
I'd like to have kids one day.
I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
My dog died today. 😥