To become a licensed, airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilot’s jacket and hat.
If you say to someone "have a nice day!" It will make them happy. If you say, "Enjoy the next 24 hours" They'll be terrified.
I've just been fired from the clock making factory after all those extra hours I put in.
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"
God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."
A cobra once bit Chuck Norris. After hours of agonising pain... it died.
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love. I had to pay a hooker for, twelve hours work. ... I felt nothing, but its was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
why are dolphins so smart? Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!
My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.
A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read "Hey im sorry i had to tell you like this but i have been doing your wife for months now" The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying "Sorry meant using your wifi"
So a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."
Grew up playing Fruit Ninja on my iPad. Spent time with my online sister playing multiplayer.
Now I play it in school with an awesome small steel blade.
I’m not allowed my phone during school hours and I have to give it in at the start of the day...
so, a few hours ago my friend said i need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes...like...it's really not that deep?
When you hear your mom’s car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.
"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing but one sounds like a threat
The doctor and said he had good news and bad news. The Good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is I forgot to call you yesterday.
if the UK is 6 hours ahead of us why didnt they just warn us about 9/11
My uncle is an alchemist
He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse
My Friends- Maya-I only Get 9 hours of sleep.-Josh- 9 hours I get 7 hours of sleep- Noah-You get 7 I get 4 hours of sleep-Me- You Guys are getting sleep. . .
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife? Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.
