Day jokes
Why is arson so fun?
IT'S A FIRE ACTIVITY!
HAHAHAHAHAHAPAHAAHAHIIRTAASIISISISHRNHHTHTHTHHNHSHSNIHTAHE
Day 83 of being trapped in þis room. I made a language. I call it hertof. I speak wiþ þe walls now.
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,
"Please send me a sibling!"
Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
My friend looks more red than Mr. Krabs.
It’s weird, I could’ve sworn I saw the silhouette of a belt hurling towards him the other day.
I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day.
It was impossible to put down.
I'd like to have kids one day.
I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.
Man's friend: Same.
Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.
Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.
Man: Oh great heavens!
One day a teacher says: "What does a pig give us?"
A student says: "Bacon!"
The teacher says: "Good! Now, what does a chicken give us?"
A student says: "Eggs!"
The teacher says: "Good! Now, what does a fat cow give us?"
A student says: "Homework!"
The whole class laughs.
Which days are the strongest?
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
Why [does] a tranny say "Have a good day" to a Jew?
He [is a] goy.
If all women disappeared one day, it would be a pain in the ass.
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
How long does it take a black woman to take out the trash?
About nine months and a day.
Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.
God, you’re having a good day?
Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.
Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.
Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!
"It's Sunday evening!"
"No. It's Monday eve."
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
BlessedBrian must have been born on April Fools’ Day... because he’s a joke every day of the year.