Day jokes

One day, I was walking through a park when I realized it was crowded.

To this day, I still don't know who let the children out of my basement.

Why do orphans only have 354 days?

'Cause they are missing Mothers and Fathers day!

My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."

Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.

Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.

Get shanked with a lamb shank with a stinky pampa in the tolpan.

I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.

A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.

One day, I was walking down the street, and then I saw something really funny, and then I ran, and I saw a boomer, but I don't really know what I'm talking about, lol.

Red sky at night, shepherd's delight.

Blue sky at night, day.

The patient said, "When will this be over?"

The doctor said, "After you die."

The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"

The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."

The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"

What does an orphan do on school parents' day? Nothing.

Jokes are like food, not everyone has it.

What's an orphan's least favorite day? Take your kid to work day.

What's the most confusing day of the year for an illegitimate kid?

Father's Day.

One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.

Five years later, he came back and left again.

There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.

When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.

She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"

54 students died that day.

The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.

Cyber Monday

So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What's the catch? Aye, there, matey, the catch of the day be crabs.

Why was the dog so stressed out?

It had a ruff day.