Day

Day jokes

Regret

    • Now that I think about it, Jane Doe's story actually makes complete sense. If I were dumb enough to show up blackout drunk for a threesome at a frat party, it'd probably also take me 20 days of regret to realize that being raped is a way better look than a gang-bang straight off of Pornhub.

  • 6

    • Field Trip

    • My field trip at school earlier:

    Little Timmy (angrily): "I WANT MY IPAD!"

    Ms. Melina: "We can have it at school if you turn your day around."

    Little Timmy: "BUT I WANT IT RIGHT F**KING NOW!"

    Ms. Melina: "But we're heading back to school."

    Little Timmy: "B**TCH, I HATE SCHOOL! I’M GOING HOME!"

    Little Timmy *starts banging the bus window*

    Little Timmy: "THAT’S IT, I F**KING HATE SCHOOL! I’M GOING TO CANADA!"

    Ms. Melina: "TIMMY, STOP IT! THE SCHOOL IS GONNA MAKE YOU PAY FOR THAT WINDOW IF YOU BREAK IT!"

    Me: "Let’s just tell his family to move to Shadow Bay anyways because Red Oaks would be so f**king good for him."

    *Window breaks*

    Ms. Melina: "STOP THAT RIGHT F**KING NOW!"

    Little Timmy: "BUT JEFFY AND JUNIOR ARE PICKING ME UP AND TAKING ME TO F**KING CANADA RIGHT NOW! LEAVE ME THE F**K ALONE!"

    Ms. Melina: "THAT’S IT TIMMY, YOU'RE SO F**KING BUSTED! I’M CALLING MS. ALEJANDRA RIGHT NOW!"

    The end.

  • 0

    • Hotel

    • Someone who spends three days in Jara Hotel is as calm as an empty apartment. But I think it hurts. The room is not good. The bathroom is very safe. It might be fun for hours, but it's still good. The bathroom is a child's room, so it is impossible to convert it into a child's room.

    The booth I bought was great and perfect for the Weimar location. I really like this breakfast, it doesn't seem too rich or complicated. To be clear, but the first day is different kind of bread I give at a small but beautiful point.

    I was also overprotected, this is true, as I had seen other visitors on the day of arrival. Service wars are always big. Greetings from RL-Pfalz. Small hotels are difficult.

  • 0

    • Dynamite

    • Willy found some dynamite,

    couldn't understand it quite.

    Curiosity never pays;

    It rained Willy seven days.

  • 0

    • Alphabet

    • What are the first four letters of the alphabet?

    Mum: (noticing the child's hair is too long) "You need a haircut."

    Brother: (winning a game on PlayStation) "Yes! Get in!"

    Uncle: (making plans) "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."

    Aunt: (singing a song from the show after overhearing the conversation) "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."

    Next day...

    Student: I know the alphabet.

    Teacher: OK, go on.

    Student: "You need a haircut."

    Teacher: How dare you make comments like this! Do you want to go to the headteacher?

    Student: "Yes! Get in!"

    Teacher: What do you think you're going to be doing?

    Student: "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."

    *In headteacher's office*

    Headteacher: Now, I hear you were very rude to the literacy teacher earlier. What do you have to say for yourself?

    Student: "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."

  • 1

    • Israel

    • How Bibi celebrates Valentine's Day:

    “I want to nutinyahu.”

    “I’d blow up a school for you.”

    “Can I be your ‘chosen person?’ 👉👈”

    “I wanna bibi inside yo pp.”

  • 0

    • Sexual Assault

    • I told my boyfriend one time when I was drunk that I like being raped. The next day, he comes over and says, "Want to have sex?" I said no. He was arrested two days later.

  • 1

    • Lesson

    • Today is Elder Abuse Awareness Day.

    Unfortunately, they're still not giving lessons on how to beat an annoying Alzheimer's patient without leaving a mark.

  • 0