Day jokes

One day, a father was showering, and his daughter ran into the bathroom while he was getting out and drying off.

The daughter curiously pointed to her father's penis and asked, "Daddy, when am I going to get one of those!?"

The father replied quickly, "In about 15 minutes, when your mother leaves for work."

One day I was walking next to a home less man and he was eating grass I asked him if he was hungry he said yes I said follow me you should of seen his face when I showed him my back yard 😂😂😂😂

I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."

Why doesn't Jesus participate in Battle Raps?

All his comebacks take three days..

Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.

Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.

Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

On September 11, 2001, I was in geometry class.

On that day, we learned you can remove one side of a pentagon by intersecting it with a plane.

What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?

A clock.

I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."

"But why?" I replied.

"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.

"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.

A little boy enters Michael Joseph Jackson's house with a doll, and Michael looks angrily at the boy. But the little boy says something that makes Michael jealous: "The girl is mine." Michael cries and asks the boy to leave. A child is saved, and more are, thanks to Conrad Murray and June 25th, dead pedophile day.

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

Why did Catholic women stop going to church?

Because it takes Jesus three days to rise.

Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?

Because they have no Father's or Mother's days.

What’s the difference between anal and oral sex? Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.

Have you heard the word of the day? It’s "legs".

Now, let’s go back to my place and I can spread them.

My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.

I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'

I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.

It's a Italy day outside the fields.