Dark Humor

What's black and sits on the bottom of the stairs to the cellar?

Steven Hawking where the experiments went wrong.

My humour is so dark that its life matters.

I was digging in my backyard and I found gold, and I went to run and tell my mom, but I realized why I was digging in the backyard.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

One good thing about lynching during the holidays, free tree ornaments.

I was telling the emo kid emo jokes, and I couldn’t read them because I was laughing too hard. I almost cut the emo kid. He wasn’t laughing at the jokes.

My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.

I am dark humor.

What is the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Porsche in my garage.

Why did the teacher get the death penalty? Because she gave an orphan homework. That's on period. #darkhumor

My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”

They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special forces.

Joke: Genders are much like the twin towers. They used to be two, but now it's a sensitive subject.

How do pedophiles follow the law?

They drive it slow in the school zone.

What is the difference between a kid with cancer and dark humor?

Dark humor never dies!

"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."

I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.

I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I wanted my first time to be special.

What do u call an Asian that was born at the wrong time?

Wrong тайминг.

Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?

A: He was in a mid-life crisis.