My ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's going to be hanging tonight.
Become an anti-furry for free KFC and dead orphans in your basement.
There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.
She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."
Son said, "But I can't see."
Mom said, "That's the point."
Son: Dad, what's dark humor?
Dad: Do you see the guy over there with no arms?
Son: No, I'm blind.
Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?
Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)
Me and my friend (rope) like hanging out.
What did the emo kid say to the cashier? ... "Scan my wrists."
You look good now, but you’d look better hanging from my ceiling. ;)
Found this girl in Hawaii.
Put a stick up her ass and she said, "Ayi."
I teach orphans.
But the problem is I can't give them homework.
A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.
The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”
“Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”
“Ten,” says the doctor.
“What, years? Months?!”
“Nine...”
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
What's black and sits on the bottom of the stairs to the cellar?
Steven Hawking where the experiments went wrong.
My humour is so dark that its life matters.
I was digging in my backyard and I found gold, and I went to run and tell my mom, but I realized why I was digging in the backyard.
I was telling the emo kid emo jokes, and I couldn’t read them because I was laughing too hard. I almost cut the emo kid. He wasn’t laughing at the jokes.
My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.
I am dark humor.
What is the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
