Dark Humor

1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.

2: I'm dying, finally.

3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.

On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/

What does a baby in a blender look like?

I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.

If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.

What's the difference between Hitler and Usain Bolt?

One actually finished a race.

What do pretzels and a corrupt government have in common?

They are both twisted.

Teacher: Hey Timmy (the quiet kid), what comes after X?

The quiet kid: Splosion.

Teacher: What comes after A?

The quiet kid: AK-47.

Teacher: Faints.

My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?

What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?

I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.

What does a depressed person and a jacket have in common?

They’re both hanging in the closet.

I joined an emo class today. The first lesson I learned was slice and dice and let it flow.

Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

What's the difference between anal rape and a microwave?

A microwave won't brown your meat.

what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?

I don't bowl.

How many dead babies does it take to put in a new light bulb? Not thirteen, cuz my basement is still dark. Let's try fourteen.

Q. How do U get the emo out of the tree?

A. Cut the rope.

Orphan jokes are like families, not everyone gets 'em.

(Also, I banged ya mum ;))

What do you call an orphan with parents?

Idk, I never met one before.

Bonus joke: I went up to an orphan and asked where his parents were. He said, "I don’t have any." I said, "Wonder why."

Another bonus joke: Me: Hey. Orphan: Hey. Me: What do you do for fun? Orphan: Look for my parents. Me: Me, so they're not dead? Orphan: No, they just abandoned me.

More bonus: What do you call a homeless kid?

An orphan.

Last bonus: Why don’t orphanages teach kids about home?

Because they can’t find one.

lmao this is so funny, dark humor can be funny. Sorry, orphans!

The "W" in Africa stands for water.

How does Osama feed his child? "Here comes the airplane, here comes another one."

The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.