Dark Humor
What do pretzels and a corrupt government have in common?
They are both twisted.
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
Teacher: Hey Timmy (the quiet kid), what comes after X?
The quiet kid: Splosion.
Teacher: What comes after A?
The quiet kid: AK-47.
Teacher: Faints.
What's the difference between Hitler and Usain Bolt?
One actually finished a race.
My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?
I joined an emo class today. The first lesson I learned was slice and dice and let it flow.
Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?
I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
What does a depressed person and a jacket have in common?
They’re both hanging in the closet.
What's the difference between anal rape and a microwave?
A microwave won't brown your meat.
what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?
I don't bowl.
How many dead babies does it take to put in a new light bulb? Not thirteen, cuz my basement is still dark. Let's try fourteen.
Q. How do U get the emo out of the tree?
A. Cut the rope.
What's a priest's favorite toy?
A mute little boy.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
Orphan jokes are like families, not everyone gets 'em.
(Also, I banged ya mum ;))
What do you call an orphan with parents?
Idk, I never met one before.
Bonus joke: I went up to an orphan and asked where his parents were. He said, "I don’t have any." I said, "Wonder why."
Another bonus joke: Me: Hey. Orphan: Hey. Me: What do you do for fun? Orphan: Look for my parents. Me: Me, so they're not dead? Orphan: No, they just abandoned me.
More bonus: What do you call a homeless kid?
An orphan.
Last bonus: Why don’t orphanages teach kids about home?
Because they can’t find one.
lmao this is so funny, dark humor can be funny. Sorry, orphans!
The "W" in Africa stands for water.
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."