Dark Humor

How many dead babies does it take to put in a new light bulb? Not thirteen, cuz my basement is still dark. Let's try fourteen.

Orphan jokes are like families, not everyone gets 'em.

(Also, I banged ya mum ;))

The "W" in Africa stands for water.

I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."

I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Suicide.

Suicide who?

Suicide you.

Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.

Me and my friend (rope) like hanging out.

Son: Dad, what's dark humor?

Dad: Do you see the guy over there with no arms?

Son: No, I'm blind.

There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.

She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."

Son said, "But I can't see."

Mom said, "That's the point."

Found this girl in Hawaii.

Put a stick up her ass and she said, "Ayi."

I teach orphans.

But the problem is I can't give them homework.

You look good now, but you’d look better hanging from my ceiling. ;)

My ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's going to be hanging tonight.

What did the emo kid say to the cashier? ... "Scan my wrists."

The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.

The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.

My girlfriend called me a cocksucker, but hey, 20 dollars is 20 dollars.

What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?

Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.

(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)

Roses are red, Get on the ground, Gimme your stuff, Get ready to drown!