Ceiling jokes
My ceiling isn't the best... But it's up there!
Why do women need a pay rise? Isn't the glass ceiling high enough?
There was a woman from Ealing, she had a peculiar feeling. She laid on her back, opened her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling.
How do you get a party started in Africa?
You put a slice of bread on the ceiling and everyone will be jumping.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
What's an emo's favorite type of necklace? The kind that attaches to a ceiling beam.
I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.
What did the floor say to the ceiling?
"I look up to you."
I don't see why women are complaining about the glass ceiling. I mean, if they reach high enough, they can clean it...
Guys, I promise I’m not suicidal, I just like dark things.
*proceeds to walk around the house with headphones in and stare at the ceiling while laying down on the couch*
What do you say to a depressed person on the ceiling?
Hang in there!
A man goes into heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa's clock, it has never moved because she has never lied." "There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
My ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's going to be hanging tonight.
A friend texts to another:
"Hey." They reply, "What's up?"
The first friend then replies with a simple answer, "The sky!" But the other friend intervenes and says, "No, it's the ceiling!"
To then the first friend finishes the greeting with, "Unless you're homeless or six feet under."
My favorite book is "Brown Spots on the Ceiling" by Ho Fung Poo.
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia?
You put food on the ceiling and they start jumping.
How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.
I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling.
What's red and spins really fast?
Kurt Cobain's ceiling fan.
What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.