My ceiling isn't the best... But it's up there!
There was a woman from Ealing, she had a peculiar feeling. She laid on her back, opened her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself, "Where the f*ck is my roof?"
What do Michelangelo and Hitler have in common?
They both used their brain to paint the ceiling.
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. When he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says, "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" The man decided not to take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.
I'm jealous of my LED lights, 'cause they're hanging from the ceiling and I'm not.
A man goes into heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa's clock, it has never moved because she has never lied." "There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
How do you start a rave in Africa? Stick a pizza onto the ceiling.
I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling.
What do children and lights have in common? They both hang from ceilings!
Not funny, here’s another.
Why can’t China play baseball? They ate the bat.
I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room. Then my TV started to float out the window. I said, "Drop it, nig-"
What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
What do you say to a depressed person on the ceiling?
Hang in there!
How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
It was a complete waste of money.
He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."
One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
My ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's going to be hanging tonight.
You look good now, but you’d look better hanging from my ceiling. ;)
