Dark Humor

Q. How does an emo scratch an itch? A. With a razor blade.

Most of these jokes are plane, but they still hit.

How does Osama feed his child? "Here comes the airplane, here comes another one."

How do terrorists feed their children?

Here comes the airplane.

Yo, stop making 9/11 jokes. My grandpa was a pilot.

What did the person with no hands get for Christmas?

He didn't open it yet.

So, I was in the church the other day, raping this woman, when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

What’s the difference between kids and drugs?

I don’t hide drugs in my basement.

Q. What's red and pink and spins around really fast? A. A baby in a blender.

Bros over hos.

I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.

I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."

My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."

Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.

I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."

I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.

I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.

I told my therapist I feel suicidal. He charged me in advance.

I have a friend who's a suicide bomber. He's a blast at parties.

"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."