Dark Humor
"You wanna play the rape game?" "No." "That's the spirit!"
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
What's the difference between life and a rape joke?
Life fucks you until you stop breathing, a rape joke fucks you until it's not funny anymore.
Steven Hawking had dark humor.
Whenever he turned on his laugh effect, it diverted power from his screen brightness.
I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."
Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.
What is common with dark humor and unvaccinated kids?
Neither do ever grow old.
What did the kid without hands get for Christmas? - I don't know, he still didn't open his present...
If only they had more mosquito nets in Africa, we could prevent millions of mosquitos dying needlessly of AIDS...
My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
A kid and an apple fall from a tree, who will reach the ground first?
The apple, because the kid is hanging on the tree with a rope.
How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.
Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? - Everywhere.
What's the difference between Kelly Clarkson and a Florida real estate agent?
A Florida real estate agent screws over seniors, Kelly Clarkson screws little children.
A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”
The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”
The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.
What's the difference between Hitler and Usain Bolt?
One actually finished a race.
Q: Why do Americans fish with guns?
A: To shoot up the whole school.
I wish death was in the form of a woman.
That way, it would never come for me.