Dark Humor

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'

I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.

Why do you wrap a hamster in duct tape?

So it doesn’t explode when you’re fucking it.

Dog toys are getting out of control.

My mum's dog has a round bison bone.

Looks like he was chewing on Tracy Latimer's hip or something.

Japan takes credit for creating the rice cooker, but they forgot the USA made the largest one in 1945 and sent it to Japan.

What do you call a black person?

Dark humor.

I was playing hide-n-seek with my dad and he hid, but I could never find him till this day.

I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.

It takes a lot of trust for two cannibals to gluck gluck each other. You never know when it's goodbye willy.

I gave a blind kid a hand grenade and told him it's a beyblade.

POV: Your grandma is on life support. I would unplug her life support to charge my third phone.

Why should you put an autistic person in a refrigerator?

Because otherwise you’ll get a rotten vegetable.

(Not meant to be triggering).

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Look at me again,

It will be the end of you.

My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.

My dog is named Max, and he likes to eat dog food. Therefore, everyone named Max likes to eat dog food.

Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.

My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.

"You wanna play the rape game?" "No." "That's the spirit!"

Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.

He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.