Dark Humor
Guy: You won't eat a human, so why do you eat meat?
Other Guy: It is bold of you to think I won't eat a human.
When my son was little, he loved to draw. Although he would always rip up the paper whenever there was one little slip up. Too bad he became a tattoo artist.....
Guy: Do you know how to draw women's rights?
Girl: No, how?
Guy: All you need is a blank paper, and that's it.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Suicide.
Suicide who?
Suicide you.
I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.
Me: Hey, you want to hear a dark joke?
Brother: Sure.
Me: Turn off the light.
Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A: A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra and Donald Trump?
A: Erection fraud. (Just a joke.)
Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?
A: Either way they'll kill your dog.
What do u call an Asian that was born at the wrong time?
Wrong тайминг.
Alright, what do you call a blank piece of paper?
Women's rights.
What was Juice WRLD's favorite store?
Forever 21.
The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
Q: What did the Jewish person say when he beat me in a race?
A: Eat my dust.
Walked in to a gun store, everything was half off.
I didn't know back-to-school shopping started.
What's harder than steel?
Michel Jackson in an orphanage.
Hey, are you suicide? Because I want to do you!
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."
Me: Ok so let's get this straight....
Cop: I'm not straight ok, now get in the car.
Me: But I didn't do anything?
Cop: No.
Me: So why are you arresting me then?
Cop: Imma tell you a story.
Me: Oh no.......
Cop: I know, now come on.
Me: Ok where?
Cop: My room.
Me: Which room?
Cop: My bedroom.
Me: 😱I'm a girl.
Cop: So am I, now get in.
Me: But I'm 9.
Cop: I'm 59.
Me, calls the police*
Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.
Me: Why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!
Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!
Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!