Dad jokes
So my dad walks into a bar and there was a hooker and a child. I was with him and they both approached us and they said only £50 for head but it was a little weird that the child was talking to my dad and the hooker was talking to me. I was about to say something but my dad pushed me over and my friend's uncle killed my dad.
The kid was never seen again. Her name was Madeleine McCann. I think I'm the only one who knows where she is, but overall the head from the hooker was good.
Son: Hey, Dad, I'm cold. Can you give me a lift from work?
Dad: Hi Cold, nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't pick up strangers.
Son: I hate you!
How does Helen Keller say "dad?"
I don’t know, but you should ask her... wait, never mind, she can’t talk.
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"
Bob: Kanye West.
Dad: No, but I can East.
My dad left me.
I saw your forehead and realized your mom and dad's foreheads were as big as yours. Also, you're gay.
Rodd Flanders: What's "gay" mean?
Bart: Uh, it means you used to be afraid, but now you're not.
Rodd says to his dad Ned: I'm gay, Daddy.
So, a mom and a dad take their son to a therapist.
“What seems to be the problem?” the therapist asked.
“Our son thinks he’s a refrigerator!” they said.
So the therapist replies, “Oh dear, that must be a problem.”
“Yeah, he sleeps with his mouth open, and the light is really bright.”
What does PEMDAS stand for?
Penis enters my dad and sister.
Why can’t I drive? 'Cuz my dad never showed me how, yet.
My dad is like a unicorn.
He's never here. :c
Deku: Hey, Todoroki?
Shoto: Wht?
Deku: I just found out on the news that your dad froze to death. Do you know who did it?
Shoto: :)
Ur dad lesbian.
Ur sister a mister.
Ur family tree LGBT.
Ur family reunion a homosexual communion.
Why can orphans not get married?
They are dad can't walk them down the aisle!
You know that you f**k better than dad?
I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)
Why did my dad leave me? Because I was a disappointment.
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?
Transparent.
I got raped when I was 5 in my princess pajamas by my dad. Nobody laughed at these jokes; they just cried.
"9/11 was not funny; it was plane wrong because my dad was the best fucking pilot in Jeddah."