Dad jokes

Tell an orphan "your mom", but then remember he doesn't have one.

White people can't say the N-word, but at least they can say, "Thanks for the warning, officer," and "Hi, Dad."

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.

I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found Pristiano Penaldo hiding under my bed! My dad said, “Don’t bother sweeping him son, he’s been dusted for years.” I was shocked but not surprised.

I saw your forehead and realized your mom and dad's foreheads were as big as yours. Also, you're gay.

My dad was in 9/11, that's rude, and he was a great pilot.

Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.

My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!

How do I make my dick disappear?

I put it in your dad.

Why do orphans like fucking other dads?

Because they get to have a daddy.

An orphan saw a tornado, and he thought he saw his mom, but then he realized it was a corpse and said, "Hi, Dad!"

Why did my dad leave me and my mum?

I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"

I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."

People joking about 9/11.

Random kid: "You shouldn’t joke about that! I lost my dad on 9/11."

Oh.

"Yeah, he was the greatest pilot ever!"

I don't joke about 9/11 because I lost my dad. He was the best pilot I ever knew.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not your dad.

One day I seen a little boy walking in the grocery store, so I asked if he was okay, and he said yes. I asked where his parents were, and he said his mom died years ago and his dad is stuck in the milk aisle.

Your dad has a huge PP.

Why is being an electrician the easiest job in the world? It's literally light work.