Dad jokes

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

Not your dad.

What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?

The pizza guy shows up when you call him.

"Dad, did you get a haircut?"

"No, I got them all cut!"

Life is better without my dad annoying me (him smacking me, screaming for something useless, limiting my screen time, and much more).

My dad was such a good man. RIP, Osama bin Laden.

The kid's dad was a magician because he disappeared and never came back.

Tell an orphan "your mom", but then remember he doesn't have one.

Yo momma so dumb, when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon.

Wife: Honey, I’m pregnant. Husband: Hi Pregnant, I’m dad. Wife: No, you’re not.

I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.

The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”

My dad came out of my step-sister's room as I came out of my step-mum's room.

Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.

I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.

Yo life got no meaning, just like your dad when he left. Like if it's a good one.

Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?

Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."

Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"

Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.

My dad was in 9/11, that's rude, and he was a great pilot.

I saw your forehead and realized your mom and dad's foreheads were as big as yours. Also, you're gay.

What were the orphan's mom and dad's names? John and Jane Doe.

I love ❤️ dogs.

How do I make my dick disappear?

I put it in your dad.