Dad jokes

Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.

What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?

The pizza guy shows up when you call him.

I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.

"Dad, did you get a haircut?"

"No, I got them all cut!"

The kid's dad was a magician because he disappeared and never came back.

Life is better without my dad annoying me (him smacking me, screaming for something useless, limiting my screen time, and much more).

I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.

The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”

My dad is like a unicorn.

He's never here. :c

I saw your forehead and realized your mom and dad's foreheads were as big as yours. Also, you're gay.

My dad was in 9/11, that's rude, and he was a great pilot.

Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.

How do I make my dick disappear?

I put it in your dad.

I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."

My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!

Why is being an electrician the easiest job in the world? It's literally light work.

Why does Aaron chug beer on a Wednesday?

Because his dad beats him every single day because he has scoliosis.

Have y'all ever heard of dad jokes? Y'all hairline is funnier than those.

One day I seen a little boy walking in the grocery store, so I asked if he was okay, and he said yes. I asked where his parents were, and he said his mom died years ago and his dad is stuck in the milk aisle.

Doctor: I will deliver the baby right away.

Dad: I would like the baby to have a liver.

Why do orphans hate any milk?

Their dad did not come back for 10 years. Oh, sorry, he got lost in the store! 🤧