Dad jokes

What’s worse than banging your sister?

Having to wear your dad’s wedding ring.

Yo momma so dumb, when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon.

Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?

Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."

Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"

Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.

Yo life got no meaning, just like your dad when he left. Like if it's a good one.

Tell an orphan "your mom", but then remember he doesn't have one.

White people can't say the N-word, but at least they can say, "Thanks for the warning, officer," and "Hi, Dad."

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.

I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found Pristiano Penaldo hiding under my bed! My dad said, “Don’t bother sweeping him son, he’s been dusted for years.” I was shocked but not surprised.

I saw your forehead and realized your mom and dad's foreheads were as big as yours. Also, you're gay.

My dad was in 9/11, that's rude, and he was a great pilot.

Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.

My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!

How do I make my dick disappear?

I put it in your dad.

Why do orphans like fucking other dads?

Because they get to have a daddy.

An orphan saw a tornado, and he thought he saw his mom, but then he realized it was a corpse and said, "Hi, Dad!"

Why did my dad leave me and my mum?

I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"

I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."

People joking about 9/11.

Random kid: "You shouldn’t joke about that! I lost my dad on 9/11."

Oh.

"Yeah, he was the greatest pilot ever!"

I don't joke about 9/11 because I lost my dad. He was the best pilot I ever knew.