Dad Jokes

Why does Aaron chug beer on a Wednesday?

Because his dad beats him every single day because he has scoliosis.

Why did Dad Man quit acting?

I don’t know either.

Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.

Have y'all ever heard of dad jokes? Y'all hairline is funnier than those.

What's the difference between you, your uncle, and your dad?

One didn't go in the closet.

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

Friend: My mum took my phone from me, and I really want it back.

Me: Yeah, well, Hades took my parents from me, and the funny thing is, I don't want them back.

My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.

Why do orphans like fucking other dads?

Because they get to have a daddy.

Why did my dad leave me and my mum?

I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"

I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found Pristiano Penaldo hiding under my bed! My dad said, “Don’t bother sweeping him son, he’s been dusted for years.” I was shocked but not surprised.

An orphan saw a tornado, and he thought he saw his mom, but then he realized it was a corpse and said, "Hi, Dad!"

Kid: Dad, where do you work?

Dad: I.C.U.P.

Kid: HAHAHAH!!!! See you pee.

So, I was in school, and there was a number saying "696969," so I said to my mother, "What does it mean?" She said, "Your fucking dad and I!"

There are 2 dads and 2 sons. They all caught a fish.

Why did they only come home with 3 fish?

(Answer)

There were a grand-dad, dad, and son.

If you don't get it, then it means grand father is the dad to the dad (1 dad). Dad is the dad for the son and a son for the grandfather. Get it?

Where did your dad go? Because I saw him at the milk shop. Oh wait, there isn't one.

You better get used to having dry cereal cuz your dad ain't never bringing the milk back.

What were the orphan's mom and dad's names? John and Jane Doe.

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

Not your dad.

Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.