Dad jokes

Have y'all ever heard of dad jokes? Y'all hairline is funnier than those.

My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.

I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found Pristiano Penaldo hiding under my bed! My dad said, “Don’t bother sweeping him son, he’s been dusted for years.” I was shocked but not surprised.

Where did your dad go? Because I saw him at the milk shop. Oh wait, there isn't one.

White people can't say the N-word, but at least they can say, "Thanks for the warning, officer," and "Hi, Dad."

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

So, I was in school, and there was a number saying "696969," so I said to my mother, "What does it mean?" She said, "Your fucking dad and I!"

Friend: My mum took my phone from me, and I really want it back.

Me: Yeah, well, Hades took my parents from me, and the funny thing is, I don't want them back.

What's the difference between you, your uncle, and your dad?

One didn't go in the closet.

My dad is like a unicorn.

He's never here. :c

You better get used to having dry cereal cuz your dad ain't never bringing the milk back.

What were the orphan's mom and dad's names? John and Jane Doe.

I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.

The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”

My dad came out of my step-sister's room as I came out of my step-mum's room.

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

Not your dad.

"Dad, did you get a haircut?"

"No, I got them all cut!"

Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.

What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?

The pizza guy shows up when you call him.

I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.

The kid's dad was a magician because he disappeared and never came back.