Wife: Honey, I’m pregnant. Husband: Hi Pregnant, I’m dad. Wife: No, you’re not.
I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.
The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”
My dad came out of my step-sister's room as I came out of my step-mum's room.
I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."
How do I make my dick disappear?
I put it in your dad.
Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.
Why do orphans hate any milk?
Their dad did not come back for 10 years. Oh, sorry, he got lost in the store! 🤧
One day I seen a little boy walking in the grocery store, so I asked if he was okay, and he said yes. I asked where his parents were, and he said his mom died years ago and his dad is stuck in the milk aisle.
Your dad has a huge PP.
I saw your forehead and realized your mom and dad's foreheads were as big as yours. Also, you're gay.
Doctor: I will deliver the baby right away.
Dad: I would like the baby to have a liver.
What does your dad's cock and Darryl's Savouries have in common?
I want them both in my mouth!
Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.
Mom: Did you finish your homework?
Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.
Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.
Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!
Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.
Son: That was cruel!
No one has my back like my dad
I was playing hide-n-seek with my dad and he hid, but I could never find him till this day.
You look like your mom and your dad had a child
What did the grape say when it was stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
What do the twin towers and my ex have in comman? The both fell on my dad.
I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.
He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"
Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"
So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."
