Dad jokes
My dad was in 9/11, that's rude, and he was a great pilot.
I saw your forehead and realized your mom and dad's foreheads were as big as yours. Also, you're gay.
Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.
People joking about 9/11.
Random kid: "You shouldn’t joke about that! I lost my dad on 9/11."
Oh.
"Yeah, he was the greatest pilot ever!"
I don't joke about 9/11 because I lost my dad. He was the best pilot I ever knew.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your dad.
What does your dad's cock and Darryl's Savouries have in common?
I want them both in my mouth!
Have y'all ever heard of dad jokes? Y'all hairline is funnier than those.
Why do orphans hate any milk?
Their dad did not come back for 10 years. Oh, sorry, he got lost in the store! 🤧
Why does Aaron chug beer on a Wednesday?
Because his dad beats him every single day because he has scoliosis.
Why is being an electrician the easiest job in the world? It's literally light work.
Why did Dad Man quit acting?
I don’t know either.
Your dad has a huge PP.
Doctor: I will deliver the baby right away.
Dad: I would like the baby to have a liver.
One day I seen a little boy walking in the grocery store, so I asked if he was okay, and he said yes. I asked where his parents were, and he said his mom died years ago and his dad is stuck in the milk aisle.
I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found Pristiano Penaldo hiding under my bed! My dad said, “Don’t bother sweeping him son, he’s been dusted for years.” I was shocked but not surprised.
My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.
Kid: Dad, where do you work?
Dad: I.C.U.P.
Kid: HAHAHAH!!!! See you pee.
My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.
Friend: My mum took my phone from me, and I really want it back.
Me: Yeah, well, Hades took my parents from me, and the funny thing is, I don't want them back.