I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.
Dad Jokes
Life is better without my dad annoying me (him smacking me, screaming for something useless, limiting my screen time, and much more).
What’s worse than banging your sister?
Having to wear your dad’s wedding ring.
The kid's dad was a magician because he disappeared and never came back.
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.
The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”
My dad is like a unicorn.
He's never here. :c
I love ❤️ dogs.
What's one thing your dad shares with black men? Your sister.
"Dad, did you get a haircut?"
"No, I got them all cut!"
Wife: Honey, I’m pregnant. Husband: Hi Pregnant, I’m dad. Wife: No, you’re not.
My dad came out of my step-sister's room as I came out of my step-mum's room.
White people can't say the N-word, but at least they can say, "Thanks for the warning, officer," and "Hi, Dad."
Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.
Mom: Did you finish your homework?
Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.
Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.
Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!
Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.
Son: That was cruel!
Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?
What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.
P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.
Knock knock. Who's there? Well, I will tell you who's not there: my dad.
Your dad's Spider-Man because he's far from home.
Friend: Hi.
Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?
Friend: Me?
Me: Damn, no, not you.
Friend: Then who?
Me: The orphan kid.
I guess we're the same.
Where can you find the most dads?
Milk Island.
You're so fat when you told your mum and dad, even they laughed!
