Dad jokes

What does your dad's cock and Darryl's Savouries have in common?

I want them both in my mouth!

Your dad has a huge PP.

White people can't say the N-word, but at least they can say, "Thanks for the warning, officer," and "Hi, Dad."

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

People joking about 9/11.

Random kid: "You shouldn’t joke about that! I lost my dad on 9/11."

Oh.

"Yeah, he was the greatest pilot ever!"

I don't joke about 9/11 because I lost my dad. He was the best pilot I ever knew.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not your dad.

Yo life got no meaning, just like your dad when he left. Like if it's a good one.

Yo momma so dumb, when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon.

Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?

Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."

Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"

Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.

Tell an orphan "your mom", but then remember he doesn't have one.

Why did Dad Man quit acting?

I don’t know either.

An orphan saw a tornado, and he thought he saw his mom, but then he realized it was a corpse and said, "Hi, Dad!"

Why did my dad leave me and my mum?

I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"

My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.

I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found Pristiano Penaldo hiding under my bed! My dad said, “Don’t bother sweeping him son, he’s been dusted for years.” I was shocked but not surprised.

Why do orphans like fucking other dads?

Because they get to have a daddy.

So, I was in school, and there was a number saying "696969," so I said to my mother, "What does it mean?" She said, "Your fucking dad and I!"

Friend: My mum took my phone from me, and I really want it back.

Me: Yeah, well, Hades took my parents from me, and the funny thing is, I don't want them back.

What's the difference between you, your uncle, and your dad?

One didn't go in the closet.