Dad jokes
I woke up one night to a strange noise, and when I went to investigate what it was, I found out that it was coming from my parents' room.
I looked inside and counted, ok one, two, three finger men and my mom, so nothing out of the ordinary, so then I checked my sister's room, and I counted 4 other women in the room, but then I realized that the sound was coming from right in front of me. It was my dad giving me a BJ the whole time.
In response to a buddy saying they joined a golf club:
"Jfc, you’ve gone softer than your old man’s dick after your mom suggests a romantic night in! I swear to God you’re so fucking bougie."
(Pause)
"Oh, I forgot to tell you, while you were gone I got a weird call for you... Some Jeff guy? Said something about a loan..."
"Jeff who?"
"Bezos."
Your Dad.
What does PEMDAS stand for?
Penis enters my dad and sister.
I will always remember my dad's last words...
Oh wait, I never knew them.
What do you call a boy in your mom?
Your dad.
What kind of fish knows how to do an appendectomy? A sturgeon!
Stop making jokes about 9/11, my dad died in 9/11.
BEST PILOT OF SOUTHERN ARABIA
ALAKBAR
My dad told me "No electronics at the table," so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
What do you call a person who keeps making jokes about rappers?
An annoying prick whose black dad left him as a kid.
Is there anything worse than when it's raining cats and dogs? Yes, hailing taxis.
Why doesn’t my bully get a dad joke? Oh, ya, ummm...
How do you hire a horse? Easy. Just put up a ladder.
Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory?
Unfortunately, many soles were lost.
What do you call a pig who knows how to use a knife? A pork chop.
What do you say to the orphan?
"Shut up, get a mom and dad!"
Your hairline is as nonexistent as your dad.
When I was born, I saw you at the adoption center alone.
That day your dad got milk. 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬
Yo dad is like a boomerang; he never comes back.
I hope you have to dip your Oreos in water because your dad never came back with the milk.