Dad jokes
What does PEMDAS stand for?
Penis enters my dad and sister.
I will always remember my dad's last words...
Oh wait, I never knew them.
What do you call a boy in your mom?
Your dad.
My dad told me "No electronics at the table," so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
What do you call a person who keeps making jokes about rappers?
An annoying prick whose black dad left him as a kid.
What is the difference between the human rights act and a dad?
What's small, stupid, and has no dad?
Ben.
"Well," he says, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."
The little girl screams, "Don't eat it! It's a fucking asshole."
A dad and his son walk out to the middle of the woods armed only with a shovel and a lantern.
Son: "Dad, it's creepy out here!"
Dad: "You're complaining? I'm the one that has to leave the woods alone!"
Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?
Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.
Daughter: So she only loves my sister?
Dad: Yep.
Evan, me and your mom are done with you.
Water to his Dad, Steam: Hi, Dad, I mist you!
Steam: double-you(w). aich(h). ay(a). tee(t)?
My dad left me.
Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?
12 year old me: Yeah!
Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?
Me: What?
Son: Hey dad, why is my name Canada?
Dad: Because you were made there.
Mum: We haven't been to Canada.
Dad: Hol' up a minute.
How do you hire a horse? Easy. Just put up a ladder.
Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory?
Unfortunately, many soles were lost.
What do you call a pig who knows how to use a knife? A pork chop.
What kind of fish knows how to do an appendectomy? A sturgeon!
Is there anything worse than when it's raining cats and dogs? Yes, hailing taxis.