Why did my dad bring a bomb vest to fit in with his Taliban brothers?
Dad Jokes
You were born out of your dad.
Friends, who's your barber? They mess up big time.
Me.
You're just jealous because my dad cuts my hair for free, and you have to be paying 30 dollars just for that short-ass cut.
I hate the 9/11 jokes; my dad and grandpa were killed.
My dad was one hell of a pilot.
Grandpa was a hell of a planner.
Your dad is gone.
Why can't two Chinese make a white baby?
Because two Wongs don't make a white.
What is the difference between the human rights act and a dad?
Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?
12 year old me: Yeah!
Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?
Me: What?
What do you call a pig who knows how to use a knife? A pork chop.
Stop making jokes about 9/11, my dad died in 9/11.
BEST PILOT OF SOUTHERN ARABIA
ALAKBAR
My dad told me "No electronics at the table," so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
Why doesn’t my bully get a dad joke? Oh, ya, ummm...
How do you hire a horse? Easy. Just put up a ladder.
What kind of fish knows how to do an appendectomy? A sturgeon!
Water to his Dad, Steam: Hi, Dad, I mist you!
Steam: double-you(w). aich(h). ay(a). tee(t)?
My dad left me.
Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?
Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.
Daughter: So she only loves my sister?
Dad: Yep.
A dad and his son walk out to the middle of the woods armed only with a shovel and a lantern.
Son: "Dad, it's creepy out here!"
Dad: "You're complaining? I'm the one that has to leave the woods alone!"
"Well," he says, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."
The little girl screams, "Don't eat it! It's a fucking asshole."
Evan, me and your mom are done with you.
