Dad Jokes

Why can’t orphans play catch?

They never had a dad to teach them.

You're so ugly your mom and dad abandoned you, and you went to the adoption center, and not even the adoption center would take you or let you in.

"Dad, what is 69?" asks son.

Dad: "Well son, it is a position where a man and women pleasure each other orally."

Son: "So what shall I write? Odd or even?"

A kid goes to bed with his dad because he’s scared of the dark. Turns out he just wanted to have sex.

One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.

Music days be like:

The image shows two cartoon characters, Elsa and Anna from the movie Frozen. Elsa on the left is frowning with a slightly disgusted expression. There is text above her head: "My grandma, who has taught music for 36 years, listening to my sister's 5th grade orchestra concert". Anna on the right looks indifferent and has the text above her head: "My dad, who has no musical talent, thinking this concert is pretty good".

Evan, yo mum rode on my big PP love, dad.

If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.

So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).

A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”

My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?

Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.

One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"