Dad jokes
Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.
Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!
Why can’t orphans go to daughter and dad dance night? They don’t have a dad to go with.
Why do orphans hate p*rn hub?
They always see a stepdad and stepsis.
Why do orphans eat cereal without milk?
Because their dad never came home from the store.
Why can't you eat cereal?
Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!
I painted my dad white so he wouldn’t leave.
Kid: Dad, what's an orphan?
Dad:
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Dad!
Dad who?
*Silence*
My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."
My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:
Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!
No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.
My teacher asked me what my favorite number was yesterday, and I said 2977. I chose 91 for my football jersey number and Sharpied a 1 after the other 1, and my teacher Mr. Jackson's dad died in 9/11, and when he was talking about it Friday the 9th, I threw a paper airplane at him and got suspended for 3 days starting Monday.
The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.
One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”
“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”
“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”
A boy walks into the bedroom and sees mom and dad having sex. The boy says, "What are you doing?"
"Baking a cake."
The next day he walked up to his mom doing dishes.
"Remember when you were making a cake? I LICKED UP ALL THE FROSTING."
How do you know that your sister is on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes weird.
When my dad once went to the Virgin Islands, now it's just called the Islands.
Your hairline is running away faster than when your dad went to get milk, and that’s saying something.
What do you call two men fucking? My dad and I. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.
Son: Hi.
Dad: Yo.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Their dad did not come back with the milk.