Dad

Dad jokes

Masturbation

My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."

9/11

My teacher asked me what my favorite number was yesterday, and I said 2977. I chose 91 for my football jersey number and Sharpied a 1 after the other 1, and my teacher Mr. Jackson's dad died in 9/11, and when he was talking about it Friday the 9th, I threw a paper airplane at him and got suspended for 3 days starting Monday.

Memes

Girl

The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.

One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”

“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”

“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”

Cake

A boy walks into the bedroom and sees mom and dad having sex. The boy says, "What are you doing?"

"Baking a cake."

The next day he walked up to his mom doing dishes.

"Remember when you were making a cake? I LICKED UP ALL THE FROSTING."

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  • Period

    How do you know that your sister is on her period?

    Your dad's dick tastes weird.

    Incest

    I wanted to fuck my mom, but she replied, "My pussy only belongs to your dad." That's why I had to fuck her in the a$$!

    Island

    When my dad once went to the Virgin Islands, now it's just called the Islands.

    Son

    Son: Dad, what's a morbid joke?

    Father: Walk over to a homeless man and throw a rock at him, then you will know.

    Son: But Dad, I don't have arms or legs.

    Father: Now you know.

    Orphan

    Why do orphans eat cereal with water?

    Their dad did not come back with the milk.

    David

    Dad: Come on, David, go dress up like a girl.

    David: Isn't that illegal?

    Dad: Nah, it isn't illegal if you keep the buttons in.

    David: I hate my life.

    Year

    This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.

    (Do you get the joke?)

    (Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)

    Cannibal

    These cannibal kids come running into the cave and ask their mom what's for dinner? She says, "Dad's gonna grill wieners!"

    Face

    I told my dad, "I just thought of something funny." He said, "Your face?"

    Men

    What do you call two men fucking? My dad and I. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣