Dad jokes
Why can't an orphan play football? Because they don't have a dad or mom.
My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because there was a dad on the other side.
Why do orphans hate p*rn hub?
They always see a stepdad and stepsis.
Why can't you eat cereal?
Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!
Memes
I painted my dad white so he wouldn’t leave.
My teacher asked me what my favorite number was yesterday, and I said 2977. I chose 91 for my football jersey number and Sharpied a 1 after the other 1, and my teacher Mr. Jackson's dad died in 9/11, and when he was talking about it Friday the 9th, I threw a paper airplane at him and got suspended for 3 days starting Monday.
The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.
One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”
“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”
“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”
A boy walks into the bedroom and sees mom and dad having sex. The boy says, "What are you doing?"
"Baking a cake."
The next day he walked up to his mom doing dishes.
"Remember when you were making a cake? I LICKED UP ALL THE FROSTING."
How do you know that your sister is on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes weird.
When my dad once went to the Virgin Islands, now it's just called the Islands.
Son: Hi.
Dad: Yo.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Their dad did not come back with the milk.
Son: Dad, what's a morbid joke?
Father: Walk over to a homeless man and throw a rock at him, then you will know.
Son: But Dad, I don't have arms or legs.
Father: Now you know.
My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.
What do you call two men fucking? My dad and I. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
My dad is John Cena because I can't see him.
Dad: Come on, David, go dress up like a girl.
David: Isn't that illegal?
Dad: Nah, it isn't illegal if you keep the buttons in.
David: I hate my life.
I told my dad, "I just thought of something funny." He said, "Your face?"
Q: What did one atom say to the other?
A: I have my ion you.