Dad jokes
Cheer for fun on the telephone and singing, "We are family!" Even then, your dad, really, he's fat, just like your dad. And your mom's fat ass, b**** ass, looking like an Oompa Loompa self, looking like an ugly.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "May I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"
"Yes," she purrs, "I am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
Your eyebrows are far from home just like your dad.
I can't have my Oreos 😭 Why?
My dad still hasn't came back with that God damn milk.
I hate my stupid wrinkly ring doing f, dad!
Memes
Your dad died of hunger on the journey to find the milk.
My dad died in 9/11. He was the best pilot I have ever seen, though.
What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?
Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.
What’s the difference between video games and my dad?
My dad doesn’t beat me.
Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.
You have a father figure.
What's the difference between your dad and grocery shopping?
He didn't come back with the milk.
I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.
The dad finally came back with the milk!
I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.
He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.
Magician: "I am the greatest magician in the whole world. Look, now you see the rabbit in the hat, and now it is gone!"
Redneck girl: "That's nothing. My dad is the greatest magician! He disappears for a whole year and reappears at Christmas for a couple of hours!"
Orphan: I'm hungry.
Dad: Let's go to KFC.
Orphan 2: Boy, you don't got a dad!
My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.
I just competed in a wrestling tournament. The first guy hit me harder than my dad’s belt.
Your mama's so young your dad went to jail.
Dad: Hey, uh... you're adopted.
Dog: *frown*
Why do orphans have no sense of humor?
I guess they've never heard a dad joke.