Dad jokes

Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.

One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"

A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.

She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"

How did my dad know I was gay?

He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.

Dad: Want to go to the park, kid?

Kid: Sure.

Dad: Come on.

Kid: Why are we at the orphanage?

Dad: Go in.

What's the difference between you and my dad? You come home.

What show do orphans hate?

"American Dad."

Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."

*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"

Dad joke.

Why does a dad get more than a pair of socks at the golf course?

Because of a hole in one!

My dad died in 9/11... He was the best pilot I know.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

To find their way to the store to see their dad.

Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?

Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.

I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”

I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.

I went to the shops and still didn’t find Lucy’s dad.

What are three things the Twin Towers have in common with my dad? They are big, sexy, and smashed your mom.

What is a kid's favorite thing to do with their dad?

Play pretend dog in the bed.

Your hairline is so far back my dad even took 48 hours to reach it.

One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."

His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."

Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"

Why do dads take time to get?

Milk?