Die

Gavboy

My cousin died last week he needed a blood transfusion but we didnt know his blood type he just kept saying “b positive b positive” but its hard to be positive with him gone

Hospital

Covid-19

I got kicked out of a hospital once, I told all the COVID patients to stay positive.

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Hospital

Joe Mamma

i got kicked out of the hospital cause i told all the Covid-19 patents to stay positive.

Difference

Anonymous

What’s the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side

4

Test

JAred

Me: spreading positivity Everyone else at the HIV testing center

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Offensive

Anonymous

I am still trying to figure out why paying the covid doctors a complement is so offensive. They even kicked me out and all I said was to stay positive…

2

Street

Anonymous

Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, “Are you all right?” “No, I lost an electron!” “Are you sure?” “Yeah, I’m positive!”

People

Anonymous

For all the people with Covid-19 i just want to say… Stay positive

Puns

Tenzin da fadafingling

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

1
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Street

The Flourine Bismuth

Two atoms were walking on a street. One atom said to the other: “I’m feeling really positive today” and the other replied: “I know. I stole your electron”. Then the first atom said “How Ionic”

Life

Anonymous

my happiest moment in life was getting a positive grade on my h.i.v test w/out studying

Yo mama

Anonymous

Which sex position produces the ugliest children?

Go ask your mother.

0

Wife

The Escaped Cancer Cell

After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park. Lord: Has something happened while I was gone? Gardener: Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burrying your dog. Lord: My dog died?! Gardener: Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down. Lord: My mansion?! How?! Gardener: Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains. Lord: Why was she so distraught? Gardener: She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped. Lord: My daughter! Don’t you have any positive news for me?! Gardener: Oh right! Your cancer test results!

2
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Priest

Logan Paul For The Win

The worst part about church is that you’re constantly switching between sitting, standing and kneeling; I mean, why can’t the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!

Sexuality

Anonymous

Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A. Ask your mother.

Virgin

Anonymous

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” “What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married 10 times?” “Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn’t get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!” “Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?” “You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m going to get screwed!”

1

JFK

Actedsix

My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.

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Shooting

Anonymous

I got kicked out of the hospital for saying, “Stay Positive.” to the corona patients

Sister

Te4inchpounder

So I’m banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right? And I’m thinking to myself, “She’s PROBABLY got AIDS.” So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I’m positive. This gets me thinking, “Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!” “Who has my sister been hanging out with?!”

Catholic

TheAutisticTroll

I always hated being born a catholic as a kid, the way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church, I was always thinking “for God’s sake just pick a position and fuck me”