Back
Dad

Dad jokes

You are like a thunderstorm; when you go away, like your dad, everyone is happy.

I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.

I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"

Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.

22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.

"Dad, what is 69?" asks son.

Dad: "Well son, it is a position where a man and women pleasure each other orally."

Son: "So what shall I write? Odd or even?"

Kid: Dad, what's a dark joke?

Dad: Well, you see that guy over there? Tell him to wave.

Kid: But Dad, I'm blind.

Dad: Exactly, also the dude had no arm.

What does Nemo have in common with my dad?

They both can't be found.

This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.

I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”

Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?

Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.

Mom: Son, where are my condoms?

Son: What are condoms?

Dad: She puts it on me and the sandwich.

Son: Wait, why did my girlfriend come over and take one?

Dad: Um, I don't know, but go to bed.

Son: But it's 2:46pm in the afternoon, bruh.

Yo, dad is so stupid, he brought the milk after two years, and he said, "Oh, sorry son. I'm going back to the store. Bye."