Dad jokes

I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.

The only joke my dad ever made was me.

What did Little Johnny say to his dad?

Johnny: "Dad, please not again! I'm too young!"

Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"

When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."

You are like a thunderstorm; when you go away, like your dad, everyone is happy.

My dad seen RuPaul's Drag Race?

Asked when will they do up the cars!

I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.

I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"

Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.

22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.

"Dad, what is 69?" asks son.

Dad: "Well son, it is a position where a man and women pleasure each other orally."

Son: "So what shall I write? Odd or even?"

My dad went for the milk, but he left his wheelchair.

Kid: Dad, what's a dark joke?

Dad: Well, you see that guy over there? Tell him to wave.

Kid: But Dad, I'm blind.

Dad: Exactly, also the dude had no arm.

What does Nemo have in common with my dad?

They both can't be found.

My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.

This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.

I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”

Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?

Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.

What do Myspace and my dad have in common?

I haven't seen them in a while.