Dad jokes
I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"
Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
"Dad, what is 69?" asks son.
Dad: "Well son, it is a position where a man and women pleasure each other orally."
Son: "So what shall I write? Odd or even?"
My dad went for the milk, but he left his wheelchair.
Kid: Dad, what's a dark joke?
Dad: Well, you see that guy over there? Tell him to wave.
Kid: But Dad, I'm blind.
Dad: Exactly, also the dude had no arm.
What does Nemo have in common with my dad?
They both can't be found.
My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.
This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.
I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”
Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?
Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.
What do Myspace and my dad have in common?
I haven't seen them in a while.
Yo dad's so stupid, he came back after he got the milk.
Mom: Son, where are my condoms?
Son: What are condoms?
Dad: She puts it on me and the sandwich.
Son: Wait, why did my girlfriend come over and take one?
Dad: Um, I don't know, but go to bed.
Son: But it's 2:46pm in the afternoon, bruh.
Yo, dad is so stupid, he brought the milk after two years, and he said, "Oh, sorry son. I'm going back to the store. Bye."
We shouldn't joke about major tragedies. My dad died in 9/11, he was Saudi Arabia's best pilot.
I have an Uncle named Ricky, who made ur mom sticky.
His dad calls him pricky and everyone begs for his dicky.
A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"
Dad: No, Timmy, you don't have to worry, there is no monster sleeping under your bed, it sleeps every night in the bed next to me.
I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.