Dad

Dad jokes

A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."

Son: Dad, what's a morbid joke?

Father: Walk over to a homeless man and throw a rock at him, then you will know.

Son: But Dad, I don't have arms or legs.

Father: Now you know.

I went to ask my friend's mom if I could have a sleepover.

Then I remembered they did not have a mom or dad.

1st daughter: Dad, I'm lesbian!

Dad: Oh, OK!

2nd daughter: I'm also lesbian.

Dad: WTF, does any 1 in this family love dicks?!?

Son: I do...

What's the difference between when I opened the window in a car wash and when Kawhi Leonard did it? At least my dad didn't get shot in the eye.

Dad: Are you gay?

Kid: Yes.

10 days later.

Kid: I’m going to my girlfriend's house.

Dad: I thought you were gay?

Kid: What’s wrong with you? He’s the girly girl of our relationship, dumba**.

Dad: Don’t swear and okay, bud.

Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: "Can I have some milk?"

He waited for three hours to get an answer.

His mom finally said: "No, your dad still isn't back with it."

My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.

What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.

People joking about 9/11.

Random kid: "You shouldn’t joke about that! I lost my dad on 9/11."

Oh.

"Yeah, he was the greatest pilot ever!"

Kid at Wish: I wish I could be Batman.

Doctor: Okay, shoots mum and dad. Doctor: I guess now you’ll have to be gay, you wanted to be like Batman.

Did your dad ever tell you he was going to get milk... But then never came back lol? 😅