Dad jokes

I think my dad is too black because whenever he goes to bed and closes his eyes, he disappears. 🤣

We have Build-A-Bear; meanwhile, orphans have Build-A-Mom, or if they’d rather, Build-A-Dad.

One day, the milkman came to drop off milk.

The boy asked the milkman, "Do you know where my dad is?"

The milkman replies, "I am your dad," then runs off like Batman!

My dad still hasn’t come back with the milk. Now we are stuck eating dry cereal.

Little Johnny's dad was drunk and told him to grow up, and he said, "STFU, you need to be young, you big-ass bitch!"

My dad's the oldest, and when he was young, he shot my grandpa's balls off, but I thought about it. How does my dad have younger brothers?

My Dad said he got me from the shops, and I remembered what Grandpa said about him.

Did you hear that Alicia wrecked her Lexus?

It's really a shame. She had to give her dad 3 months worth of blowjobs before he'd pay for it.

Why can’t orphans go to daughter and dad dance night? They don’t have a dad to go with.

Dads are boomerangs, I hope.

A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and things were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a weekend trip. She said, "I want you to come spend the weekend at our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we're there, I'd also like to take our relationship to the next level." "I'm there," the boy replied.

The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told him about his weekend to come and said he needed some condoms. The pharmacist asked, "Do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack, or family sized 24 pack?" The boy replied, "I plan on getting busy all weekend. I'm not gonna stop pounding her till I'm black and blue. Give me the family pack." "Sure thing," said the pharmacist.

That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. The girl's father asked the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said, "You never told me that you were so religious." The boy replied, "You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist."

What’s the difference between the milk and drugs?

My dad brought the drugs back, not the milk though! 😭

Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.

My dad brought me some sunglasses, but it still wasn't enough to keep my son out of my life.

I always wanted to go to the store as a kid because I always wanted to look for my dad that went to go get the milk, but I could never find him.

Little Johnny walked into the bathroom while his dad was taking a dump. As soon as Little Johnny walked in, his dad let out a big FART! Little Johnny said, “WHAT WAS THAT?” His dad said, “That was the sound of the north wind.” The next day his teacher asked the class, “What’s the direction of the north wind?” Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on him and he said, “TEACH IT’S MY DADDY’S BOOTY!”

My dad is Al-Qaeda, and he even took a plane trip to New York in 2001.

Kid: Dad, where are you going?

Dad: To get milk.

TEN YEARS LATER

Kid's friend: Where's your dad?

Kid: He went to get milk but never came back.

Lil Johnny went to school and said, "Teacher, if you let me poop my pants, I will let you have my dad and his money. Will you do it, Mrs. Johnson?"

It’s all fun and games at “take your kid to work day” until you realize your dad is a suicide bomber.