Crime jokes
I’d make a rape joke, but I don't wanna force that on you too.
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
I donated blood today. In the future, I will try to remember that I'm supposed to donate my blood only.
I found Jeffrey Epstein’s diary the other day.
The last entry was about 12 years old.
"Officer, I drop kicked that child in self-defense." -Techno
Where did Jeffrey Epstein go to college?
Bring them young.
What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his first boyfriend?
What do you call a Chinese assassin?
Chinese takeout.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?
I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.
Don’t be racist. Racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.
What is a necrophiliac's safe word?
"I'm alive!"
A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"
Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:
Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!
Gay gang members don't do drive-bys, they do fruit roll-ups.
What’s faster than a black guy with the TV?
His little brother with the console.
What did Bill Cosby say on the second date?
"Hi, nice to meet you."
What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?
Target practice.
What do you do to a deaf girl after you’re done fucking her?
Break her fingers so she can’t tell anyone.
Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.