Crime jokes
What do you call a Chinese assassin?
Chinese takeout.
Don’t be racist. Racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.
"Officer, I drop kicked that child in self-defense." -Techno
What did the Japanese man say to his friend after he killed somebody?
"That is very Wong."
What does a cop say when they shoot ginger?
"Orange is the new black."
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"
Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA? They aren't wanted!
What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his first boyfriend?
Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:
Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.
Where did Jeffrey Epstein go to college?
Bring them young.
What is a necrophiliac's safe word?
"I'm alive!"
I found Jeffrey Epstein’s diary the other day.
The last entry was about 12 years old.
Gay gang members don't do drive-bys, they do fruit roll-ups.
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
What did Bill Cosby say on the second date?
"Hi, nice to meet you."
What do you do to a deaf girl after you’re done fucking her?
Break her fingers so she can’t tell anyone.
Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?
I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.