Crime jokes
A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy. The boy replies, "I’m an orphan, your honor."
What is a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?
Before the first period.
What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.
How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.
How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.
What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"
Why did the strawberry cry?
Her mom was in a jam.
Billy moved in with 69 pedophiles when he was 8. Many "tears" came across his cheeks.
when is it normal to freeze before being raped?
when a policeman rapes you.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Rape
Rape who?
I go rape you!
Hahaahahahaha Please comment: Bad or good!
VOTING SEMIFINAL 2
LIKE: When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom and the autistic kid thinks it’s a Disco party. 🕺🕺🕺
DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.
Vote for the better joke.
In Israel, they chop convicted rapists' balls off. Sure glad I don't live in Israel.
Rape is not a joke.
What is the difference between the government and organized crime?
Only one of them is organized.
What’s pink, rusty, and covered in cobwebs?
Madeline McCann's bike.
Q. What happens when a pedophile spills his coffee? A. It leaves an EP-stain.
I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"
"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.
The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"
Alternative punchline:
"I had to call social services, she was only 14."
What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.
Woman: "I want coffee, black."
Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"
Why did the cops come over?
Because parents had kids in their basement.
I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."
I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I know he LCD'd them and all, but I have been tripping all day.
What's the difference between 13 dead babies and a skeleton?
There aren't any, there's 13 skeletons in my closet.