Crime jokes
What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his first boyfriend?
Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA? They aren't wanted!
What’s the difference between outlaws and orphans?
At least outlaws are wanted.
Why does the Jedi never join the dark side?
If they did, then they would lose the opportunity to molest young padawans.
What are the similarities of GTA V and 9/11? A plane can be stolen and crashed into a building by a bunch of terrorists.
A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"
Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:
Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!
What do you call a Chinese assassin?
Chinese takeout.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?
I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.
"Officer, I drop kicked that child in self-defense." -Techno
What's the difference between Pink Floyd and George Floyd?
When Pink Floyd can't breathe, it's because all their fans are smoking pot.
I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.
I found a lot of matches.
When the person who killed JFK heard "headshot."
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
What's the difference between me and Bill Cosby?
I haven't been caught.
Why did Al Qaeda lose $100 on a bet?
They bet $100 that they wouldn't crash when they went through the Twin Towers.
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.
I stole a wheelchair. I knew the owner would come crawling back.