Crime jokes
Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"
If a homeschooled kid shoots his parents, does that count as a school shooting?
What's the difference between sex and rape? Some effective drugs.
Me going to jail for telling the orphan he has 363 days because mothers and Father’s Day.
Bruh, the cops just arrested a black dude...
Well nvm, they shot him dead.
Title
Hey, What do you want? We broke up like 5 days ago, leave me alone. Ok, first wanna do some things? What kind of things? Illegal things. Like what? Knock you off and hide your body. 🤡🤡🗡
What do you call a bank robbery with MrBeast?
A donation team.
So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.
Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. That's the third one this week and it's only Monday.
A man is being sued for raping a deaf girl. The judge, showing his pinky:
"You should be ashamed, man, your conscience is even smaller than that!"
The girl, showing her arm:
"Mhhhmmhmm, mhhmhm!"
What does an orphan call a kidnapping?
A surprise adoption.
A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
I stole a wheelchair. I knew the owner would come crawling back.
Man: I'm here for the job interview.
Employer: Oh good, good. Sit down. We don't get many people for the interviews.
Man: Just anywhere?
Employer: Yeah, make yourself comfortable. Jackson, right?
Man: Yeah, that's me.
(Shakes hands and sits back down)
Employer: So what makes you eligible for the job, Jackson?
Man: Well, I'm really good at capturing the perfect shot and angle. It really takes dedication to do this type of job. Concentration and willpower, sir.
Employer: I like you already, you're hired!
Man: Wow, thanks, sir. I know I won't do you wrong. I'll work hard for this job!
Employer: You start now! Your first person is a man named John F Kennedy.
Man: What? You want me to just take pictures of him during the parade?
Employer: No.
Man: This... This is a photography job, right?
Employer: No... this is a job employment for man hunting.
Why is a white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
The white guy actually did it.
Stephen Hawking robbed the Apple store looking for a charger.
I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison to wait for my execution, but when I got there, they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you, Penaldo!
Why does the Jedi never join the dark side?
If they did, then they would lose the opportunity to molest young padawans.
"Prince, be honest, do you still love me?"