Crime jokes
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?
I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.
"Officer, I drop kicked that child in self-defense." -Techno
What is a necrophiliac's safe word?
"I'm alive!"
What do you call a Chinese assassin?
Chinese takeout.
Memes
I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.
Why does the Jedi never join the dark side?
If they did, then they would lose the opportunity to molest young padawans.
Q. Why didn't Tracy Latimer enjoy her trip to Vancouver?
A. She had to go to GasTown.
+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.
+1 follower = 1 kid in my Microwave.
+1 Comet.
"It's not a war crime if you win the war."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Why do orphans like robbing banks?
So they can be wanted.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knife." "Knife, who?" "How are you still alive? I just stabbed you!"
What's a cannibal's favorite snack?
Men toes! 😂🤣
Q: What's the difference between a prison and a concentration camp?
A: At least you don't die when you shower.
I stole a wheelchair. I knew the owner would come crawling back.
DARK ALERT********
A girl went to the doctor. The doctor said she had one year to live. She shot the doctor, and the judge gave her 15 years.
DARK ALERT********
What do you call a disabled person who deals drugs?
A wheel dealer.
I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Why do homeless people commit crimes?
They get a bed in jail.
You can't call yourself a baby boomer if you have never detonated an infant.