Crime jokes
Jimmy Savile should have presented Pop off the Tops instead of Top of the Pops.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
We shouldn't joke about major tragedies. My dad died in 9/11, he was Saudi Arabia's best pilot.
Why do most clips for automatic weapons have 32 bullets?
That's usually how many kids are in a classroom.
Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to the men he took home that said they were hungry? "I've got Ben and Jerry's in the freezer."
Why did the school shooter earn extra points?
Because he was on a kill streak.
Why did the prisoner run away?
To spit bars.
I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins.
I was about to run and tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden...
Q: What do the mob and pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.
What do the Nicaraguan Contras, Crips, and Crack have in common? The CIA.
A sandwich is a sandwich, but a Manwich is a meal.
-- Jeffery Dahmer
I burnt down an orphanage and then showed an orphan the orphanage that I burned down, and he loved it. Not really, though.
There is a kid in my school who is exactly like Dahmer, but he doesn't eat ppl. Or does he...?
He's Dahmer's son @domink.
If a kid doesn't take their nap, doesn't that mean they are resisting arrest?
My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.
To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?
What's a cannibal's favorite snack?
Men toes! 😂🤣
DARK ALERT********
A girl went to the doctor. The doctor said she had one year to live. She shot the doctor, and the judge gave her 15 years.
DARK ALERT********
What do you call a disabled person who deals drugs?
A wheel dealer.