Why did the school shooter earn extra points?
Because he was on a kill streak.
Crime Jokes
Why did the prisoner run away?
To spit bars.
An eight-year-old girl struggles to breathe as she lies on a hospital bed and waits for the doctor to come. After the doctor comes, he pulls his cock out of her mouth, and she can breathe much better.
If a kid doesn't take their nap, doesn't that mean they are resisting arrest?
To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?
I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
Why do prepubescent orphan girls love pedophiles? Because they get to call someone “Daddy”.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.
I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins.
I was about to run and tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden...
How do you know the hooker killed herself?
She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.
What is a pedophile's favorite piano note?
A Minor.
Q: What do the mob and pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.
What do the Nicaraguan Contras, Crips, and Crack have in common? The CIA.
Why do most clips for automatic weapons have 32 bullets?
That's usually how many kids are in a classroom.
There's this smart way to sneak a calculator into school. I've heard of it. You take the calculator, put it in a gun magazine, put the magazine in the gun, and bring the gun to school!
Why did the chiropractor go to jail? For not paying $75 in back taxes.
If I were to cut your legs off, would it hurt? Because your legs will be cut off...
My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.
He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."
What's the difference between Madeline McCann and Batman?
Batman returns.
