Crime jokes

Why does a penis taste like octopus 🐙?

Stupid question 😒 🙄 even the catholic church ⛪ 🙏 knows that one.

If you’re gonna have a gangbang, make it extreme!

Alien vs Predator.

Cosby vs E.T.

Did you hear about the four foot tall psychic who escaped prison?

He's a small medium at large.

Do you know why I hate pedophiles?

They are fucking immature kids!

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

'Cause 7 was a 6 offender.

One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.

Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."

I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.

I’d make a rape joke, but I don't wanna force that on you too.

What is a paedo's favourite time of year?

Halloween because they get free delivery.

What does a pedophile call an orphanage?

A supermarket.

Why do orphans like stealing things?

They wanted to have company.

I heard there was a kidnapping.

Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.

It was his father's friend who was a priest.

He was just bringing him to church.

What's the difference between me and Bill Cosby?

I haven't been caught.

Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?

Doctor: Yep.

Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.

Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.

My four conditions:

1. I need coffee.

2. I need vacation.

3. I need food.

4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.

What’s the difference between outlaws and orphans?

At least outlaws are wanted.

Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.

I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.

I found a lot of matches.

Me: Hi Jacob!

Jacob: Hi.

Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!

Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH