Crime jokes
I got raped when I was 5 in my princess pajamas by my dad. Nobody laughed at these jokes; they just cried.
Two teenagers were raping an 11-year-old girl in an alley, so I stepped in to help. The little bitch didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
What type of tape do kidnappers use?
Abduct-Tape.
What’s the difference between a thief and a pervert?
One will snatch your watch, the other will watch your snatch.
What do you call a terrorist on a wheelchair?
C4.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite snack? 5 year old whiners.
Teacher: Ok class, good morning. We are going to start off by asking what kind of sound animals make.
Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?
Class: A cow says "moo moo."
Teacher: Good!
Teacher: What does a sheep make?
Class: A sheep says "baa baaa."
Teacher: Good! Now, what does a pig say?
Little Johnny: A pig says, "Put your hands up and get against the wall, you stupid mother fucker!"
"INNOCENT! THERE IS NO WAY TO PROVE THAT THE GIRL WAS 13. It doesn't matter what texts he sent. There is no way to prove that the girl was 13, or the fact that it was a girl. Failed sting operation."
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
You ever hear of a reverse exorcism?
It's where the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.
Condoms 99 percent effective.
Birth control 99 percent effective.
Etc.
Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)
What do JFK’s killer and a prostitute have in common?
“They both blow heads.”
1. You're so dumb, you think Cheerios are donut seeds!
2. You're so fat, you could sell shade!
3. You're just like coconut water, nobody likes you!
4. Have you been shopping lately? Because they're selling lives around the corner, you should go get one!
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence!!
Are these good?
Serial killers be like: "Blood is red, veins are blue, next one is YOU."
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?
Because he comes in a little behind.
My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.
I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.
A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"
"Whole November month, sniper lessons available in Dallas U.S.?"
How did the lesbian die? Homicide.
People say that they miss xxxtentacion, like the bullet didn’t.