Crime jokes
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"It's not a war crime if you win the war."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Why do orphans like robbing banks?
So they can be wanted.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knife." "Knife, who?" "How are you still alive? I just stabbed you!"
What's a cannibal's favorite snack?
Men toes! 😂🤣
Memes
Q: What's the difference between a prison and a concentration camp?
A: At least you don't die when you shower.
I stole a wheelchair. I knew the owner would come crawling back.
DARK ALERT********
A girl went to the doctor. The doctor said she had one year to live. She shot the doctor, and the judge gave her 15 years.
DARK ALERT********
What do you call a disabled person who deals drugs?
A wheel dealer.
I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Why do homeless people commit crimes?
They get a bed in jail.
You can't call yourself a baby boomer if you have never detonated an infant.
Why can orphans get away from the FBI?
Because they don't have a house.
Why doesn't the pirate go to the strip club?
Because he has ALL of the booty!
If I were to cut your legs off, would it hurt? Because your legs will be cut off...
What's the difference between Madeline McCann and Batman?
Batman returns.
My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.
He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."
You get on an elevator and you find the Pope and Donald Trump cowering from two snarling wolves. In your hand you find a revolver with only two bullets in it... what do you do?
You shoot the Pope and the Donald each in a leg and exit the elevator at the next stop.
What do you call a swimming terrorist? A bath bomb.
"Knock, knock.""Who's there?""Kid.""Kid who?""Kidnap you!"