Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.
Crime Jokes
What’s faster than a black guy with the TV?
His little brother with the console.
Gay gang members don't do drive-bys, they do fruit roll-ups.
What do you do to a deaf girl after you’re done fucking her?
Break her fingers so she can’t tell anyone.
"Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go."
Yesterday during the storm, there was a blackout, so I shot him.
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:
Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.
On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.
I walked into a supermarket to get some ordinary clothes for the wife. Then I realized I was in a rape museum.
Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.
I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.
I found a lot of matches.
What’s the difference between outlaws and orphans?
At least outlaws are wanted.
What are the similarities of GTA V and 9/11? A plane can be stolen and crashed into a building by a bunch of terrorists.
A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"
When the person who killed JFK heard "headshot."
What's the difference between me and Bill Cosby?
I haven't been caught.
Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?
Doctor: Yep.
Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.
What's the most illegal activity in Africa?
Watering the plants.
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
