Crime jokes
What’s the best part of raping an 11 year old girl?
Getting to kill the little bitch after you’ve finished with her.
What did Stevie Wonder see when he got murdered?
Nothing.
What do you do after raping a deaf mute eight-year-old girl? Smash the little bitch's hands with a hammer so she can't tell her mum.
Why do more men than women support abortion? So they can keep raping women and the victims will just abort their kids to not have to relive the experience!
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a beer.
Same person.
Dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
Why did the little boy cry?
He had a frog nailed to his face and stapled to each of his fins. The frogs were his personal molesters.
What’s the name of OceanGate’s next submarine?
Judging by the breathing conditions on their subs, I bet they’ll call it the "George Floyd."
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?
Q: What happens to KID who NAPs near a stranger?
A: He gets KID-NAPPED (kidnapped).
How did the man with a small penis become a rapist? His condom fell off.
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!
When I was in middle school, I was kidnapped by a terrorist organization.
Al-gebra.
A 14 year old girl finds out she is pregnant. Her: "Crap! My mom is going to kill me!"
The fetus: "lol same here."
Today my ex got hit by a bus.
I also lost my job as a bus driver.
What’s the difference between a robber and an orphan?
One is wanted.
I don’t like to tell school shooter jokes because they are usually aimed at a younger audience.
YouTubers: Among Us in real life.
Bin Laden: Angry Birds in real life.
Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.
Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.
Judge: But why?
Accused: Because I’m an orphan.
A Souls fan raped me. He said, "Try finger, but hole."