Crime jokes

When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a disco party. 🕺🕺🕺

Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.

Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.

Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?

A: They drive slow through school zones.

Why did the little boy cry?

He had a frog nailed to his face and stapled to each of his fins. The frogs were his personal molesters.

I don’t like to tell school shooter jokes because they are usually aimed at a younger audience.

Joker: Knock knock...

Batman: Who's there?

Joker: Not your parents!

Dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."

I give props to pedophiles.

They always go slow in the school zones.

Gun control...

Two pedophiles meet each other. Then one asks if he wanted to trade "2 of 5" for "1 of 10?"

How do you stop a rape victim from speaking out?

Marry her.

What type of file do you need to turn a 14 centimeter hole into a 40 centimeter hole?

A pedophile.

A priest, a pedo, and a rapist walk into a bar and that's just the first guy.

A teacher asked a class who killed Goliath. The first pupil said he wasn’t the one. The second said he doesn’t know. No one knew in the class.

The teacher got furious and dashed to the Head Master’s office to report. Immediately, the head master followed him back to the class with a cane. He growled- “If no one tells me who killed Goliath in this class, you will see fire!” Everyone in the class insisted on the fact that it wasn’t them.

Then the Head master looked at the teacher and said- “Mr. Dapo, are you sure that the person who killed Goliath is in this class?” The teacher fainted.

Man: I must confess, Father.

Priest: What are you here to confess?

Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.

Priest: And what happened to your son?

Man: He said a man raped him.

Priest: When and where did this happen?

Man: A local church. I don't know which one.

Priest: ...By whom?

Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.

Priest: ...Shit

"Sweet victory" fans: Fuck the NFL. They should be disbanded!

Harvey Weinstein: I raped five girls, and the NFL was one of them.

What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?

A rape victim!

There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.

Mom! I think that dad is sleeping.

Mom: No, honey, I killed him.

Why are colds such bad robbers?

Because they're so easy to catch.