Crime jokes
What’s the best part of raping an 11 year old girl?
Getting to kill the little bitch after you’ve finished with her.
Q. What's Jeffery Dahmer's favorite song?
A. "Pieces of You."
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a beer.
Same person.
What’s the name of OceanGate’s next submarine?
Judging by the breathing conditions on their subs, I bet they’ll call it the "George Floyd."
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!
When I was in middle school, I was kidnapped by a terrorist organization.
Al-gebra.
What’s the difference between a robber and an orphan?
One is wanted.
Today my ex got hit by a bus.
I also lost my job as a bus driver.
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?
Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.
Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.
Judge: But why?
Accused: Because I’m an orphan.
YouTubers: Among Us in real life.
Bin Laden: Angry Birds in real life.
What do Priests and School shooters have in common?
They both blast little kids in the face.
A 14 year old girl finds out she is pregnant. Her: "Crap! My mom is going to kill me!"
The fetus: "lol same here."
Q: What happens to KID who NAPs near a stranger?
A: He gets KID-NAPPED (kidnapped).
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair? A RC-XD.
A Souls fan raped me. He said, "Try finger, but hole."
Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.
Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.
Mother got shot, damn.
Father got shot, damn.
Sister got shot, damn.
Brother got shot, damn.
Auntie running away with a shotgun!
VOTING SEMIFINAL 1
LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
DISLIKE: When the school shooter is gonna clap the football team but his AK jams: “Take it easy guys, I was just joking!”.
Vote for the better joke.
When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a disco party. 🕺🕺🕺