Yo mama so fat, the cops arrested her because she had 240 pounds of crack on her.
Crime Jokes
Mom! I think that dad is sleeping.
Mom: No, honey, I killed him.
A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
What did Santa Claus get Paris Hilton for Christmas?
He raped her.
Two pedos are on the beach.
One pedo said, "Hey, get out of my son!"
I tried to pull (his/her) leg at the comedy club, but got arrested for sexual harassment. Does that still count as a joke? 🤣
What do you call a convict in prison for touching little girls? A boy named Brandon.
Why did the prostitute lose all her money?
Because she got f*cked.
What's the difference between my ass and the toddlers in my uncle's basement?
My ass doesn't cry when he sticks it in late at night.
Guns don't kill people, black people kill people.
What's a pedophile's favorite place to go in?
Kum and Go.
I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.
Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.
Why couldn't the rape victim run away?
Because she was dead.
There will be no school shooter joke today in honor of the 10 people killed in the Colorado grocery store shooting. R.I.P.
Today I ate out my girlfriend... Jeffrey Dahmer style.
What does a priest and time have in common? They're both predators.
What to gift a child molester who already has everything? A bigger county with more believers.
What happens when you have a kid with Tourette's and a hair trigger?
The Las Vegas shooting.
1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.
10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.
12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.
My dad is Al-Qaeda, and he even took a plane trip to New York in 2001.
