Crime jokes

YouTubers: Among Us in real life.

Bin Laden: Angry Birds in real life.

Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.

Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.

Judge: But why?

Accused: Because I’m an orphan.

A Souls fan raped me. He said, "Try finger, but hole."

Why was the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it wanted to look up a 10 year old girl’s skirt.

How did the man with a small penis become a rapist? His condom fell off.

Q: What happens to KID who NAPs near a stranger?

A: He gets KID-NAPPED (kidnapped).

I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?

What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair? A RC-XD.

When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a disco party. 🕺🕺🕺

VOTING SEMIFINAL 1

LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.

DISLIKE: When the school shooter is gonna clap the football team but his AK jams: “Take it easy guys, I was just joking!”.

Vote for the better joke.

The sun is out, and the pedo vans are out.

Parents, keep your kids away from ice cream vans. Once they hear the sound, you'll never see your kids again!

Mother got shot, damn.

Father got shot, damn.

Sister got shot, damn.

Brother got shot, damn.

Auntie running away with a shotgun!

Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.

Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.

I don’t like to tell school shooter jokes because they are usually aimed at a younger audience.

Joker: Knock knock...

Batman: Who's there?

Joker: Not your parents!

Dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."

Why did the little boy cry?

He had a frog nailed to his face and stapled to each of his fins. The frogs were his personal molesters.

When I was in middle school, I was kidnapped by a terrorist organization.

Al-gebra.

What’s the name of OceanGate’s next submarine?

Judging by the breathing conditions on their subs, I bet they’ll call it the "George Floyd."

Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.

So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!