Crime jokes

Why did your mum touch me? Because she was a pedo.

I hate child murderers, they're always so high-pitched.

What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

An eight-year-old girl struggles to breathe as she lies on a hospital bed and waits for the doctor to come. After the doctor comes, he pulls his cock out of her mouth, and she can breathe much better.

Technically, suicide is murder, and murder is illegal, so if I kill myself, my body should go to jail.

Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jill could lick Jack's candystick, but Jill got a surprise when she saw her boyfriend Rik. He got so angry Jack has no candystick no more. Jill went home with a black eye, and Rik got arrested for cutting Jack's candystick.

I like my girls how I like my wine, 12 years locked in the basement.

How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.

What's the smartest crime?

3rd degree murder.

Why was 7 afraid of 9? Because he's a registered sex offender.

You're snorting cocaine with your buddies. Your eyes are closed, feeling the bliss of drugs, when suddenly something wet touches your nostril. Your buddy Mark stuck his PENIS in your face. You look up at Mark, and he says, "I'm sorry," and runs away, his pants still down.

Wow, he stole my antidepressant toy. The next day, he was on the ground.

I’d make a rape joke, but I don't wanna force that on you too.

What is a pedophile's favorite dating site?

Kinder

What's black and white and red all over?

A massacre at a funeral.

Kobe would still be alive if he would have gone to jail for raping that girl.

Son: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"

Dad: "Yes, we arson."

What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?

Eight dead people.

"Ya tryna run? Hop in the van."

I like my dates like I like my wine...

Locked in a cellar and aged for 12 years.