Crime jokes
What’s the name of OceanGate’s next submarine?
Judging by the breathing conditions on their subs, I bet they’ll call it the "George Floyd."
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!
How do you get your appeal for rape charges accepted? Say you were expressing your desire for a woman, which is protected under the Constitution in freedom of expression.
YouTubers: Among Us in real life.
Bin Laden: Angry Birds in real life.
Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.
Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.
Judge: But why?
Accused: Because I’m an orphan.
got kidnapped
A Souls fan raped me. He said, "Try finger, but hole."
VOTING SEMIFINAL 1
LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
DISLIKE: When the school shooter is gonna clap the football team but his AK jams: “Take it easy guys, I was just joking!”.
Vote for the better joke.
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?
Q: What happens to KID who NAPs near a stranger?
A: He gets KID-NAPPED (kidnapped).
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair? A RC-XD.
A 14 year old girl finds out she is pregnant. Her: "Crap! My mom is going to kill me!"
The fetus: "lol same here."
Today my ex got hit by a bus.
I also lost my job as a bus driver.
What’s the difference between a robber and an orphan?
One is wanted.
What do Priests and School shooters have in common?
They both blast little kids in the face.
Mother got shot, damn.
Father got shot, damn.
Sister got shot, damn.
Brother got shot, damn.
Auntie running away with a shotgun!
When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a disco party. 🕺🕺🕺
The sun is out, and the pedo vans are out.
Parents, keep your kids away from ice cream vans. Once they hear the sound, you'll never see your kids again!
Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.
Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.
I don’t like to tell school shooter jokes because they are usually aimed at a younger audience.
Dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."