When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye.
But when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, everyone loses it...
Crime Jokes
What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?
I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help her check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
If raping someone is sexual harassment, then is raping a rapist inverted harassment?
Crimes in 2018: assault, murder.
Crimes in 2020: coughing in public.
Joe Biden was once president, but he got arrested because he got caught fingering a minor.
"Whole November month, sniper lessons available in Dallas U.S.?"
What’s the difference between a motorcycle and a mutilated body?
I don’t have a motorcycle in my garage.
My ex died today.
I also lost my job as a butcher.
I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised when I saw on the news that there was a school shooting in my shooting range. I don't know who snitched...
How do you break up blind people in a fight? Scream, "I put my money on the guy with the knife!"
What do a priest and a pedo have in common?
Nothing, they both like kids.
What do you call an otter video game that is about robbing?-
Grand Theft Otter!
I stepped on a cornflake. They accused me of being a serial killer.
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
I find it best to screw people with memory loss. I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?
Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson screwed little boys.
A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."
I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"
"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.
The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"
Alternative punchline:
"I had to call social services, she was only 14."
A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"
