Crime jokes

Why do boys feel safer at Ronald McDonald's House than Neverland Ranch?

Ronald McDonald's doesn't put his meat between boys' buns.

Therapist just mean the-rapist.

Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.

Why do orphans play GTA5 so much?

So they could be wanted.

"Bippidy boppidy boo! Bill Cosby is coming for you!"

I heard guns kill people, so I gave up my right to own one.

Then I heard dicks rape people, so I chopped it off.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?

Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson screwed little boys.

A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up.

Why did the sexy 12 year old girl with cerebral palsy get raped? Because her parents didn’t have the decency to drown her at birth.

If she refuses to suck and threatens to bite, just knock her teeth out. Call it the “Bloody Gummer”.

In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.

One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”

What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight each other?

Alien vs. Predator.

My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.

What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.

When you steal the weird pet rock, so he pulls out his pet Glock.

Why did the policeman rape the woman? Because he thought rapists wouldn't be attracted to non-virgins.

It's the 1940s.

The chink was counting his shillings. The chink was bitching. His wife got raped in Nanking. The chink counts his shillings.

The chink gets sook chinged!

Why did the woman feel ugly?

A. Nobody would even rape her.

What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

A prostitute only has one crack, and has to wash it and sell it again.