Crime jokes

In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.

One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”

What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight each other?

Alien vs. Predator.

My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.

What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.

It's the 1940s.

The chink was counting his shillings. The chink was bitching. His wife got raped in Nanking. The chink counts his shillings.

The chink gets sook chinged!

When you steal the weird pet rock, so he pulls out his pet Glock.

Why did the policeman rape the woman? Because he thought rapists wouldn't be attracted to non-virgins.

Why did the woman feel ugly?

A. Nobody would even rape her.

What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

A prostitute only has one crack, and has to wash it and sell it again.

What does a woman do when she leaves the battered women's shelter?

"Cook my dinner, if she knows what's good for her."

My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.

In America, 1 in 10 houses has a paedophile.

Not me, I live next to a smoking hot 8-year-old.

What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?

At least you don’t die when you shower.

WAIT! I remember how the joke goes! These two cannibals are hanging out eating lunch, which is a clown, you see, 'cause they're cannibals and one cannibal says to the other cannibal, "Does this taste funny to you?"

When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye.

But when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, everyone loses it...

What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?

I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help her check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

If raping someone is sexual harassment, then is raping a rapist inverted harassment?

Crimes in 2018: assault, murder.

Crimes in 2020: coughing in public.

Joe Biden was once president, but he got arrested because he got caught fingering a minor.