Crime jokes

What does McDonald's and a paedophile have in common?

They both like sticking their meat in ten-year-olds.

Why do boys feel safer at Ronald McDonald's House than Neverland Ranch?

Ronald McDonald's doesn't put his meat between boys' buns.

I heard guns kill people, so I gave up my right to own one.

Then I heard dicks rape people, so I chopped it off.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?

Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson screwed little boys.

A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."

If she refuses to suck and threatens to bite, just knock her teeth out. Call it the “Bloody Gummer”.

Why did the sexy 12 year old girl with cerebral palsy get raped? Because her parents didn’t have the decency to drown her at birth.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up.

What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight each other?

Alien vs. Predator.

My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.

What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.

Why did the policeman rape the woman? Because he thought rapists wouldn't be attracted to non-virgins.

It's the 1940s.

The chink was counting his shillings. The chink was bitching. His wife got raped in Nanking. The chink counts his shillings.

The chink gets sook chinged!

What does a woman do when she leaves the battered women's shelter?

"Cook my dinner, if she knows what's good for her."

Why did the woman feel ugly?

A. Nobody would even rape her.

What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

A prostitute only has one crack, and has to wash it and sell it again.

I don’t like the term "rape," I prefer: "struggle snuggle."

My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.

In America, 1 in 10 houses has a paedophile.

Not me, I live next to a smoking hot 8-year-old.

If Adolf starred in the Room, his most iconic line would be “I did not Hitler! I did not!”