Crime jokes

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?

Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson screwed little boys.

A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."

Why did the sexy 12 year old girl with cerebral palsy get raped? Because her parents didn’t have the decency to drown her at birth.

If she refuses to suck and threatens to bite, just knock her teeth out. Call it the “Bloody Gummer”.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up.

What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight each other?

Alien vs. Predator.

My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.

What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.

It's the 1940s.

The chink was counting his shillings. The chink was bitching. His wife got raped in Nanking. The chink counts his shillings.

The chink gets sook chinged!

Why did the policeman rape the woman? Because he thought rapists wouldn't be attracted to non-virgins.

What does a woman do when she leaves the battered women's shelter?

"Cook my dinner, if she knows what's good for her."

Why did the woman feel ugly?

A. Nobody would even rape her.

What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

A prostitute only has one crack, and has to wash it and sell it again.

If Adolf starred in the Room, his most iconic line would be “I did not Hitler! I did not!”

In America, 1 in 10 houses has a paedophile.

Not me, I live next to a smoking hot 8-year-old.

My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.

I don’t like the term "rape," I prefer: "struggle snuggle."

What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?

At least you don’t die when you shower.

What do a priest and a pedo have in common?

Nothing, they both like kids.

I stepped on a cornflake. They accused me of being a serial killer.