Crime jokes
Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?
He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.
What kind of file turns a 1.5 cm hole into a 4.5 cm hole?
A pedophile.
How did I kill Georgee?
I snatched her boat! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, sh**! I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?
My wife said if I rape her again, she would leave me. Why didn't anyone tell me it was that easy?
I don’t like to tell school shooter jokes because they are usually aimed at a younger audience.
Why did Timmy throw the clock out the window?
It reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man convicted of knife raping his wife.
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
Why can't you solve a murder in Alabama?
All the DNA is identical and there are no dental records.
What’s George Floyd’s favorite color? Neon black.
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
Why did the teacher get arrested?
He gave the orphan homework!
Violence against women is funny :)
Easy way to get away from rape is to become the rapist. All women need to carry a 12-inch dildo and a gun!
It's not rape if they can't say no. Duct tape.
I just got a job at the prison library.
It has its prose and cons.
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.
What is Armin Meiwes' ideal date? Dinner.
What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!
What's the difference between child abuse and abandonment?
The abused ones are forced to listen while being abused, while abandoned kids cry because they don't have parents anymore.