Crime jokes

Why did the skeleton go to jail?

Because he was bad to the bone!

So I got these new shoes, except they were from a drug dealer.

Now I don't know what they were laced with, but I was trippin' all day.

Good news, people! Michael Jackson is still alive. They found him hidden away in a goat pen with all the kids!

I was making fun of an orphan, then I realized he tracked me down. I made a bad decision. He was Batman!

What’s a pedophile’s favorite type of garden?

A KinderGarden.

My uncle is a computer genius! The police even called him a PDF file!

What’s the difference between Jesus and Maddie McCann?

One had the last supper.

How did we know Princess Diana had dandruff?

'Cause the police found her Head and Shoulders on the dash.

Why did the orphan call Mr. Smith "daddy"? Because he put her in the vices and taught her a lesson about virginity.

What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?

“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”

My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."

Among Us players after saying "Self Report!" to the police officers who find a dead body in their basement.

My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told my friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him to.

Confused, my friend asked me what it was. I told him, "The Sandy Hook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."

Why aren't women taken seriously in the world? They are too busy whining about getting raped.

How many times does 47 fit into 9?

Get in the van and find out.

Pope Francis: "What is the hardest thing about nailing a young boy to a cross?"

"My penis."

I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I know he LCD'd them and all, but I have been tripping all day.

Somebody stole my joke.

So I stole their spinal cord.

What does McDonald's and a paedophile have in common?

They both like sticking their meat in ten-year-olds.

I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.