Crime jokes

What kind of shoes do pedophiles wear?

White Vans!

What's a knife's favorite person?

The victim.

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

I got the joke from my brother.

That was a horrible pun. You should be sent to the PUN-itentiary!

A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.

A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"

Kid: "Mom, what happened to Jim?"

Mom: "He got inside a white van."

What did the robber say to the clock?

Hands up!

The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...

Why was six afraid of seven?

Because seven is a registered six offender.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

Why is rape, rape? Because she is too busy enjoying the moment to say yes.

Why did the topless woman shout, "Stop raping us?"

Because she was uneducated.

What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.

What kind of file turns a 1.5 cm hole into a 4.5 cm hole?

A pedophile.

Why did the skeleton go to jail?

Because he was bad to the bone!

Rape isn't a joke.

It's a type of way of making friends and to mate with other women.

It's a way of art, and works on anybody!

Like this if you agree.

What's the difference between genocide and mass murder?

Genocide is racist.

Curiosity killed the cat.

But for a while, I was a suspect.

What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?

At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.

I was making fun of an orphan, then I realized he tracked me down. I made a bad decision. He was Batman!