Crime jokes
A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"
"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What did the terrorist think to himself seconds before hitting the tower?
"Did I leave the stove on?"
"I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years."
"Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!"
"No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him."
What do you call an orphan with parents?
I don't know... what?
Kidnapped. :)
Why are pedophiles good at playing guitar?
Because they are good at fingering A minor.
What's a knife's favorite person?
The victim.
What kind of shoes do pedophiles wear?
White Vans!
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
I got the joke from my brother.
That was a horrible pun. You should be sent to the PUN-itentiary!
Kid: "Mom, what happened to Jim?"
Mom: "He got inside a white van."
The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...
What did the robber say to the clock?
Hands up!
The devil's number is 346 because you will be in jail.
What's the advantage of being a grade A paedophile? You know it's not period blood.
Came across the headline this morning whilst reading the paper...
"Woman beats off Rapist in carpark!"
I suppose that was a fair compromise!
Why is rape, rape? Because she is too busy enjoying the moment to say yes.
Why did the topless woman shout, "Stop raping us?"
Because she was uneducated.
What kind of file turns a 1.5 cm hole into a 4.5 cm hole?
A pedophile.
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.