Crime jokes
If you were to ask me, "Where would be the worst place to commit a crime?" I would say a multi-storey car park, because if you think about it, it would be wrong on so many levels.
Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.
Why did nobody believe the little girl who got raped?
She said a monster attacked her.
My wife slept with another man and got pregnant. She told me 9 weeks later. I said it's ok and told her let's talk downstairs, so I pushed her down the stairs.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?
You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.
Roses are red, I have free candy, get in my van, I have a gun handy.
I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?
Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!
What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite song?
"Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes."
I was eating my cereal while watching the news, then I saw my cereal on the news, saying he was a "serial" killer.
A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”
Do orphans love doing crime?
'Cause they want to be wanted.
joe: Are your mom and dad nice?
zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.
joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.
What do ICE and Mexican drug cartels both have in common?
They both kidnap Canadian women!
Kid starts short-coming people in school. Teacher asks, "Why are you doing that?"
He responds, "I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas!"
Why is Kyle Rittenhouse the Ultimate Crime Fighter?
Because in one night he killed a pedophile and a domestic abuser.
What did the hooker say when she found out the cash she was paid with for services rendered was counterfeit?
I've been raped!
What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his first boyfriend?
What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
What do the Spanish people call child abuse? Pedrophile.
The USA has school shootings. We Canadians have bus beheadings.