Crime jokes

Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?

Because he comes in a little behind.

Why are pedophiles good at playing guitar?

Because they are good at fingering A minor.

What do you call a disabled gang member? A crip.

Why is rape, rape? Because she is too busy enjoying the moment to say yes.

Why did the topless woman shout, "Stop raping us?"

Because she was uneducated.

What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.

What kind of file turns a 1.5 cm hole into a 4.5 cm hole?

A pedophile.

Curiosity killed the cat.

But for a while, I was a suspect.

What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?

At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.

What's the difference between genocide and mass murder?

Genocide is racist.

Why did the skeleton go to jail?

Because he was bad to the bone!

So I got these new shoes, except they were from a drug dealer.

Now I don't know what they were laced with, but I was trippin' all day.

Good news, people! Michael Jackson is still alive. They found him hidden away in a goat pen with all the kids!

I was making fun of an orphan, then I realized he tracked me down. I made a bad decision. He was Batman!

What’s a pedophile’s favorite type of garden?

A KinderGarden.

What’s the difference between Jesus and Maddie McCann?

One had the last supper.

How did we know Princess Diana had dandruff?

'Cause the police found her Head and Shoulders on the dash.

Why did the orphan call Mr. Smith "daddy"? Because he put her in the vices and taught her a lesson about virginity.

What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?

“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”

My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."