Crime jokes

Good news, people! Michael Jackson is still alive. They found him hidden away in a goat pen with all the kids!

My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."

Among Us players after saying "Self Report!" to the police officers who find a dead body in their basement.

My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told my friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him to.

Confused, my friend asked me what it was. I told him, "The Sandy Hook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."

Why aren't women taken seriously in the world? They are too busy whining about getting raped.

How many times does 47 fit into 9?

Get in the van and find out.

Pope Francis: "What is the hardest thing about nailing a young boy to a cross?"

"My penis."

Somebody stole my joke.

So I stole their spinal cord.

I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I know he LCD'd them and all, but I have been tripping all day.

What's the difference between me and a rapist?

He forced her, while I convinced her with a candy.

She was just 7 years old.

Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.

What are the similarities between a pedophile and a 9/11 plane?

They both came from behind and crushed them.

Why do orphans play GTA5 so much?

So they could be wanted.

"Bippidy boppidy boo! Bill Cosby is coming for you!"

Why do boys feel safer at Ronald McDonald's House than Neverland Ranch?

Ronald McDonald's doesn't put his meat between boys' buns.

I heard guns kill people, so I gave up my right to own one.

Then I heard dicks rape people, so I chopped it off.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?

Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson screwed little boys.

If she refuses to suck and threatens to bite, just knock her teeth out. Call it the “Bloody Gummer”.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up.

Why did the sexy 12 year old girl with cerebral palsy get raped? Because her parents didn’t have the decency to drown her at birth.