Crime jokes
What does a terrorist get for Christmas?
A C4.
What is Armin Meiwes' ideal date? Dinner.
How did the guy rob the water park?
He used a water gun!
LOL 💦🔫💧🌊
A farmer had a donkey and a dog. One night, he was getting robbed by a thief. The donkey told the dog to bark, but the dog refused. So the donkey brayed very loudly, and the thief ran out of the house, and the farmer beat up the donkey.
Man: Could you hold this for me?
Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*
Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!
What do you call someone who kisses primary school kids?
Joshua Metcalfe
A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.
What does Bill Cosby and someone eating at McDonald's have in common?
They're both mc lovin' what they're eating.
What's the difference between a club and a bar?
I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.
Roses are red, Larry is bad.
I'VE GOT A GUN, get in the van!
Bill Cosplay
Pedophiles are really stupid and need to leave this earth.
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
How do you get away with rape?
My wife's always nagging me. "You don't let me have any friends, I abuse her, and I'm always coming back late." So I thought I would treat her. I popped up in the attic and introduced her to two women.
Kidnapper: Hey kid, your mom told me to follow me.
Orphan: But I don't have a mom!
A woman once falsely accused me of rape, and I was sentenced to life in prison.
PLEASE CONSIDER LAUGHING now 😂
What kind of person will steal Captain Hook's hook?
Answer: A hooker.
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
Your mum was so poor that she went to rob the bank, but she left because she couldn't find the cameras. She left her son, and the security [girl] gave him the camera.