Crime jokes
Girl, are you a public school? Because I want to shoot my kids inside you.
This isn't a joke but...
GET IN THE VAN, JANICE!
I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"
I was trying to tell some people here to stop, but then I found out that the S was covered in blood from me assaulting someone.
When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"
He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"
I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.
I saw some kids bullying a kid in a wheelchair. I grabbed the kid, pushed him down the stairs, and said, "GTA physics."
What do you call getting assaulted by a gay man? Fruit punch.
Little Johnny likes to play with toy guns.
Little Johnny paints them black.
Little Johnny went to a gun store.
Little Johnny made a big mess.
The cemetery people were getting paid.
I think it was wrong for that school shooter to end his life at the scene.
He could have done some good by becoming some lonely lifer's bottom.
My friend said, "Let's have a sleepover."
Little did I know it was just at prison.
What is Armin Meiwes' ideal date? Dinner.
How did the guy rob the water park?
He used a water gun!
LOL 💦🔫💧🌊
A farmer had a donkey and a dog. One night, he was getting robbed by a thief. The donkey told the dog to bark, but the dog refused. So the donkey brayed very loudly, and the thief ran out of the house, and the farmer beat up the donkey.
"What do you do with your free time?"
"I stalk."
"Really? I enjoy walks in the park, going to the movies, and hanging out with friends."
"I know."
What does a terrorist get for Christmas?
A C4.
Q. What do iPads and Jeffrey Epstein have in common?
A. Kids turn them on.
Q. Why aren't Epstein jokes funny? A. Because it's such a touchy subject.
It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.
Weird.
Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.
If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, put on your helmet 'cause you're about to miss the short bus.
Q. When is it bedtime at Jeffrey Epstein's house? A. When the big hand touches the little hand.