Crime jokes

There was an orphan once, and someone knocks on his door and said, "Hello, son, come and hug me." But the orphan says, "Excuse me, who are you?" and the guy says, "You don't remember me? I'm your dad." And then the orphan says, "Fine then, if you're really my dad, come inside and let me ask you some questions." And the man says, "OK then, but I am really your dad." Then the orphan asked some questions to the man, and the man gets some of them right, so the orphan believes that the man is his dad. And then the orphan says, "You really are my dad?" and then he shows his dad his house, and the orphan has a roommate, and the dad and the orphan finally get to the bedroom, and then the dad knocks out the orphan, and then the dad starts to have something with the orphan/son, and the roommate hears weird noises in the orphan's/son's room, and he walks in and sees them having sex, and the roommate records it but then kicks the dad out of the house, and then the roommate shares the video to the orphan's school chat, and then the next day the dad gets arrested because he was actually a gay nonce, and everybody at the orphan's school calls him gay, but he really isn't, but since he was mad and disgusted, he pulled an AK47 out of his bag and kills everybody in the school and was never seen again.

Btw this is a joke so don't take it seriously.

What did they find in Jeffery Dahmer's apartment?

Jack in a box.

What’s the relationship between a pedophile and a light bulb? They're both meant for dark rooms.

There is one good part about paedophiles... they go slow in school zones.

Rape is such an ugly word, I prefer the term "struggle snuggle."

They laughed at my crayon drawing.

I laughed at their chalk outline.

Yo mama so fat, the cops arrested her because she had 240 pounds of crack on her.

A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.

"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.

"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."

The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"

She said, "Not everybody paid."

The kid with a gun walked into my classroom and fucking shot the teacher.

He pointed the gun at me and asked, "What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey, at least he gets free food.

What do Miss Reeves and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both have a touchy feeling for kids.

It's impossible to rape a rapeist because rapeists want sex.

"Hippity hoppity, the school shooter spotted me."

I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Fuck 'em.

Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?

Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.

It's okay, you had socks on :)

What’s the difference between jail and my basement?

Some people are let out of jail.

A man is being sued for raping a deaf girl. The judge, showing his pinky:

"You should be ashamed, man, your conscience is even smaller than that!"

The girl, showing her arm:

"Mhhhmmhmm, mhhmhm!"

A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?

(Getting brutally murdered.)