Crime jokes
Man: Could you hold this for me?
Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*
Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!
Trump's releasing the files.
To catch all the pedophiles.
He didn't know Epstein.
Didn't touch any teens.
What do you call an orphan with a gun?
(No) home shooter.
I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:
1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.
I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.
Person: So, Jimmy, what do you do all day?
Jimmy Savile: Anyone who I can do.
Why am I in jail?
All I did was cause 9/11.
Statistics show 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.
Weird.
Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.
If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, put on your helmet 'cause you're about to miss the short bus.
A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.
What do you call someone who kisses primary school kids?
Joshua Metcalfe
Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"
Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?
He got 12 months.
Worst joke ever.
What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?
A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.
Q. Why aren't Epstein jokes funny? A. Because it's such a touchy subject.
What do Somalians excel at in the United States?
Welfare fraud.
Joseph Rosenbaum died doing what he loved: chasing minors.
Why is Kyle Rittenhouse the Ultimate Crime Fighter?
Because in one night he killed a pedophile and a domestic abuser.
What's the difference between a club and a bar?
I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.
Bill Cosplay