Crime jokes
A farmer had a donkey and a dog. One night, he was getting robbed by a thief. The donkey told the dog to bark, but the dog refused. So the donkey brayed very loudly, and the thief ran out of the house, and the farmer beat up the donkey.
I think it was wrong for that school shooter to end his life at the scene.
He could have done some good by becoming some lonely lifer's bottom.
A friend of mine told me something that I cannot forget, and I am now traumatized to hell. The next day a kid was set for an amber alert that looked exactly like my DEAR friend! :)
When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"
He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"
I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.
"Lock him up, you know, Trump!"
I saw some kids bullying a kid in a wheelchair. I grabbed the kid, pushed him down the stairs, and said, "GTA physics."
What do you call getting assaulted by a gay man? Fruit punch.
Why am I in jail? Because I wasn't invited to the party in the orphanage 23 days ago. Stupid fucks.
Girl, are you a public school? Because I want to shoot my kids inside you.
This isn't a joke but...
GET IN THE VAN, JANICE!
Little Johnny likes to play with toy guns.
Little Johnny paints them black.
Little Johnny went to a gun store.
Little Johnny made a big mess.
The cemetery people were getting paid.
My friend said, "Let's have a sleepover."
Little did I know it was just at prison.
What is Armin Meiwes' ideal date? Dinner.
What does a terrorist get for Christmas?
A C4.
"What do you do with your free time?"
"I stalk."
"Really? I enjoy walks in the park, going to the movies, and hanging out with friends."
"I know."
How did the guy rob the water park?
He used a water gun!
LOL 💦🔫💧🌊
What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?
A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.
Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"
Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?
He got 12 months.
Worst joke ever.
Man: Could you hold this for me?
Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*
Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!