Crime jokes
My sister said, "Daddy can you pass the salt?" So I raped her.
What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?
They both like to dump their loads into little kids.
What's a pedophile's favorite type of garden?
A kindergarden.
Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.
Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.
A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing.
Man: "Ah, suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump?" Lady: "Yep. I hate this world." Man: "Well, if you're gonna die, can we have sex before you jump?" Lady: "Hell no! You creep!" Man: "Ok, fine. I guess I'll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore."
It's not rape if you're both crying.
The cops are still searching for my wife's killer. Luckily, I already fled the country.
We shouldn't joke about rape, because rape is no laughing matter...
Unless you're being raped by a clown.
I saw a guy raping a girl in the park, so I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against the two of us.
I like my cigars like I like my women: 7 years old and in a burlap sack from Cuba.
Ok, not really racist but still funny.
You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?
Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.
What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.
Someone stole my toilet, and the police have nothing to go on.
Why did the skeleton not rob the bank? He did not have the guts!
I like my Oreos how I like my victims... Drowning.
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
To get to the other preschool.
Two pedophiles talking to each other:
"Do you got two fives for one ten?"
What's the difference between Jesus and the baby I have in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
Last night I burned down an orphanage.
There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"
My grandfather has the heart of a lion... And a lifetime ban from the zoo.