Crime jokes
Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.
What are the best shooting ranges in America?
Schools.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank? He ran away so fast he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.
Q. How does a feminist stop a rapist?
A. By using her equal strength.
It's only rape.
If she finds out.
There is one rapist among us.
Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.
If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?
I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said, “Did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied, “Do you mean Nein millimeter?”
These jokes are so dark they almost stole my bike.
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween?
Free delivery.
There was a murder. The detective suspected the artist first... because he was sketchy.
I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.
What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.
How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.
How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.
What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"
They told me I could never be an actor.
No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.
A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy. The boy replies, "I’m an orphan, your honor."
What's the best part of having sex with a baby?
Deep throat and anal at the same time.
No means no, but if you use chloroform, it’s a guaranteed yes.
Q. What do you call a gun that rapes someone?
A. An assault rifle.