Crime jokes
What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?
A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.
Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"
Person: So, Jimmy, what do you do all day?
Jimmy Savile: Anyone who I can do.
I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:
1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.
I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.
Roses are red, violets are blue, give me free OnlyFans so I don't touch the youth.
If I were a judge and gave you a sentence, I would sentence you to life for your looks.
The hardest part of picking up a hitch hiker is tying them up.
The Pope drives around in a glass box, or as I like to call him, a sniper's dream.
My gardener found a dead body. Of the old gardener!
This account is run by a peadophile.
How to be a hero.
1. Tie a noose in your front yard.
2. Find and capture a furry.
3. Hang that furry because they deserve it.
It’s easy as 1-2-3!
I got hired by an orphan to commit crimes, so he could become wanted.
Why did the Mexican man push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
What do you call an Indian eating cows? Mooove to jail.
Why am I in jail?
All I did was cause 9/11.
Why did the orphan get arrested for identity theft?
He dressed up as Batman for Halloween.
"Lock him up, you know, Trump!"
A friend of mine told me something that I cannot forget, and I am now traumatized to hell. The next day a kid was set for an amber alert that looked exactly like my DEAR friend! :)
Why am I in jail? Because I wasn't invited to the party in the orphanage 23 days ago. Stupid fucks.
Was busy robbing a house as quietly as possible and saw a woman catching me in the act, decided to get her in on the act and gave away my location from the noise.