Crime jokes
My friend said, "Let's have a sleepover."
Little did I know it was just at prison.
If I were a judge and gave you a sentence, I would sentence you to life for your looks.
How did the guy rob the water park?
He used a water gun!
LOL 💦🔫💧🌊
How to be a hero.
1. Tie a noose in your front yard.
2. Find and capture a furry.
3. Hang that furry because they deserve it.
It’s easy as 1-2-3!
A farmer had a donkey and a dog. One night, he was getting robbed by a thief. The donkey told the dog to bark, but the dog refused. So the donkey brayed very loudly, and the thief ran out of the house, and the farmer beat up the donkey.
Memes
What is Armin Meiwes' ideal date? Dinner.
What does a terrorist get for Christmas?
A C4.
Man: Could you hold this for me?
Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*
Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!
What does Bill Cosby and someone eating at McDonald's have in common?
They're both mc lovin' what they're eating.
Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?
He got 12 months.
Worst joke ever.
What do you call someone who kisses primary school kids?
Joshua Metcalfe
A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.
Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"
What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?
A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.
Why am I in jail?
All I did was cause 9/11.
What do you call an orphan with a gun?
(No) home shooter.
If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, put on your helmet 'cause you're about to miss the short bus.
Statistics show 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.
Weird.
Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.
What's the difference between a club and a bar?
I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.