Crime jokes
What do you call an Indian eating cows? Mooove to jail.
Girl, are you a public school? Because I want to shoot my kids inside you.
"Lock him up, you know, Trump!"
I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"
A friend of mine told me something that I cannot forget, and I am now traumatized to hell. The next day a kid was set for an amber alert that looked exactly like my DEAR friend! :)
Why am I in jail? Because I wasn't invited to the party in the orphanage 23 days ago. Stupid fucks.
This isn't a joke but...
GET IN THE VAN, JANICE!
I was trying to tell some people here to stop, but then I found out that the S was covered in blood from me assaulting someone.
When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"
He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"
I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.
I saw some kids bullying a kid in a wheelchair. I grabbed the kid, pushed him down the stairs, and said, "GTA physics."
What do you call getting assaulted by a gay man? Fruit punch.
Little Johnny likes to play with toy guns.
Little Johnny paints them black.
Little Johnny went to a gun store.
Little Johnny made a big mess.
The cemetery people were getting paid.
I think it was wrong for that school shooter to end his life at the scene.
He could have done some good by becoming some lonely lifer's bottom.
How did the guy rob the water park?
He used a water gun!
LOL 💦🔫💧🌊
What does a terrorist get for Christmas?
A C4.
A farmer had a donkey and a dog. One night, he was getting robbed by a thief. The donkey told the dog to bark, but the dog refused. So the donkey brayed very loudly, and the thief ran out of the house, and the farmer beat up the donkey.
My friend said, "Let's have a sleepover."
Little did I know it was just at prison.
What is Armin Meiwes' ideal date? Dinner.
"What do you do with your free time?"
"I stalk."
"Really? I enjoy walks in the park, going to the movies, and hanging out with friends."
"I know."
What does Bill Cosby and someone eating at McDonald's have in common?
They're both mc lovin' what they're eating.