Crime jokes
How do you break up two blind guys fighting?
Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"
Why does an orphan play GTA to be wanted? 😂😭
People who torture others for making bad puns should be severely punished.
I'm thinking about telling my daughter there's a ghost in the house. At least then I can wear a bed sheet at night and fuck her without her being suspicious.
Not a joke: one of George Floyd's criminal friends shot his grand-niece as they wanted a piece of the 27 million dollars.
Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!
I was in Afghanistan and I had been captured by the Taliban. I was going to get the death penalty.
Suddenly a man came out of nowhere and offered to take the penalty. It was my idolo Penaldo. He missed the penalty. Now I will die. Shame on u Penaldo!
Alvin and the Chipmunks commit war crimes.
Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.
Yo mama so fat, she got arrested for carrying 100 pounds of crack.
Teacher: How many kids are in this classroom?
Kid: 73 if you count the ones you have hid in the basement.
The bakery I worked at got robbed. They demanded the dough; apparently, it couldn't be baked first.
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
What is a necrophiliac's safe word?
"I'm alive!"
What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy?
"Shhhhhhh, this might hurt a little."
Why did the credit card go to jail?
'Cuz it was guilty as charged!
After the drive-by, Tupac became known as Pewpac.
What's a prisoner's favorite game?
Hangman!
Do you know why pedos get away with molesting orphans? Who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.
What type of file does it take to turn a 4 mm hole to a 44 mm hole?
A pedophile.