Crime jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because these jokes are not funny.

Here's why the chicken crossed the road...

The chicken was on the run from a crazy-ass butcher ready to murder the poor thing, so the chicken crossed the road. The chicken was crossing the road, then a blind kid saw the chicken, and the kid was hit by a flying rock, his vision was blurred (what vision?) and was actually cured of the blind. The chicken ran and jumped into a truck's opening and was never seen again... The kid got up from the ground and looked at the road, to see the chicken was not there, and said..." The chicken crossed the road...." The kid yelled at everyone about the chicken crossing the road and got a lot of positive attention. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Reddit were full of the chicken nonsense and gained widespread attention from N.A to Asia in only 1 day.

The butcher was arrested for the attempted murder of a joke animal and was sentenced to over 20 years in solitary confinement, and a few weeks later, the sentence was moved to a life sentence, and the butcher became known as The ChicKiller.

The End (hope you enjoyed, I was bored so I made this shit...)

What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison?

A small medium at large!

So, I was f**king my daughter the other night, and I don’t know what was funnier: the looks on my wife’s face when she walked in on me or the fact that the abortion clinic let me keep her.

Why did the boy shoot the clock?

I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!

What's the difference between 13 dead babies and a skeleton?

There aren't any, there's 13 skeletons in my closet.

Me: Hi Jaiden.

Bully/Jaiden Harper: Leave me alone, weirdo.

Me: Wow, says the one who didn't pass 3rd grade.

Bully/Jaiden Harper: *hits*

Me: *calls FBI and puts on gloves and stabs random person then gives knife to Jaiden and takes off gloves* Bye bye.

FBI: FBI OPEN UP!!!!!!!!!

@shelby denver is a massive nonce.

Who remembers when ‘tweeting’ meant “stabbing a hooker”?

A drunk guy runs into a bar... He bangs his head and falls down, why?

Because he is in a prison cell.

How many babies does it take to paint a room red?

Depends how hard you throw 'em.

I’m here to collect my bounty, what’s your bounty? Your pants.

Paedophiles are f***ing immature assholes.

If a WOMAN gets RAPED, RUN INTO THE SECNE AND HELP HER.

What do you call someone who kisses primary school kids?

Joshua Metcalfe

A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.

I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:

1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.

I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.

Person: So, Jimmy, what do you do all day?

Jimmy Savile: Anyone who I can do.

Statistics show 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, put on your helmet 'cause you're about to miss the short bus.