Crime jokes

@shelby denver is a massive nonce.

How many babies does it take to paint a room red?

Depends how hard you throw 'em.

I’m here to collect my bounty, what’s your bounty? Your pants.

Me: Hi Jaiden.

Bully/Jaiden Harper: Leave me alone, weirdo.

Me: Wow, says the one who didn't pass 3rd grade.

Bully/Jaiden Harper: *hits*

Me: *calls FBI and puts on gloves and stabs random person then gives knife to Jaiden and takes off gloves* Bye bye.

FBI: FBI OPEN UP!!!!!!!!!

If a WOMAN gets RAPED, RUN INTO THE SECNE AND HELP HER.

Why am I in jail?

All I did was cause 9/11.

I got hired by an orphan to commit crimes, so he could become wanted.

The hardest part of picking up a hitch hiker is tying them up.

Roses are red, violets are blue, give me free OnlyFans so I don't touch the youth.

This account is run by a peadophile.

The Pope drives around in a glass box, or as I like to call him, a sniper's dream.

Was busy robbing a house as quietly as possible and saw a woman catching me in the act, decided to get her in on the act and gave away my location from the noise.

I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"

I was trying to tell some people here to stop, but then I found out that the S was covered in blood from me assaulting someone.

When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"

He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"

I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.

Girl, are you a public school? Because I want to shoot my kids inside you.

I saw some kids bullying a kid in a wheelchair. I grabbed the kid, pushed him down the stairs, and said, "GTA physics."

What do you call getting assaulted by a gay man? Fruit punch.

This isn't a joke but...

GET IN THE VAN, JANICE!

A friend of mine told me something that I cannot forget, and I am now traumatized to hell. The next day a kid was set for an amber alert that looked exactly like my DEAR friend! :)