Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"
"What do you do with your free time?"
"I stalk."
"Really? I enjoy walks in the park, going to the movies, and hanging out with friends."
"I know."
How did the guy rob the water park?
He used a water gun!
LOL π¦π«π§π
What does a terrorist get for Christmas?
A C4.
My friend said, "Let's have a sleepover."
Little did I know it was just at prison.
A farmer had a donkey and a dog. One night, he was getting robbed by a thief. The donkey told the dog to bark, but the dog refused. So the donkey brayed very loudly, and the thief ran out of the house, and the farmer beat up the donkey.
Why can't Michael Jackson play baseball?
He made a hit and run!
What is Armin Meiwes' ideal date? Dinner.
How to be a hero.
1. Tie a noose in your front yard.
2. Find and capture a furry.
3. Hang that furry because they deserve it.
Itβs easy as 1-2-3!
It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.
Weird.
Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.
If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, put on your helmet 'cause you're about to miss the short bus.
If I were a judge and gave you a sentence, I would sentence you to life for your looks.
This account is run by a peadophile.
The Pope drives around in a glass box, or as I like to call him, a sniper's dream.
Was busy robbing a house as quietly as possible and saw a woman catching me in the act, decided to get her in on the act and gave away my location from the noise.
The hardest part of picking up a hitch hiker is tying them up.
I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"
What do you call a chomo on the road? Roadkill.
I got hired by an orphan to commit crimes, so he could become wanted.
Why did the Mexican man push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
