Crime jokes

You can't put an orphan on house arrest if there isn't a house to arrest them to.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Fishes.

Fishes who?

Fishes the police, come out with your hands up!

Q: What's red and screams?

A: A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

Did you hear about the pervert who couldn't decide whether he was into incest or necrophilia?

He killed his mom and then fucked her.

What’s the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?

Acne waits till you’re 13 to come on your face.

The Man: "Sonny, why do you come to get some milk every day?"

The Son: "Because milk is important."

The Man: "Why don't you ever come with your mom?"

The Boy: "Who?"

The Man: "Your mom?"

The Boy: "I don't have a mom."

The Man: "I'm sorry for your loss."

The boy stared for a moment when two men came out of the vehicle and picked up the boy.

The ice cream man tried to murder me today.

POV: It's a rapists' groupchat, not a joke section. And it's SAD.

What's the POINT in stabbing people?

HAHAHA

People often ask me what I would do for a Klondike bar. Well, I'd straight up put 5 hijackers on Flight 175 before it departed from Logan Airport at 8:14 a.m. on September 11, 2001.

I like my boo like I like my packages: straight out of the box.

Pedophiles smell good.

The person to make the first cannabinol cookbook had a wife and ate (eight) children.

I like my women like I like my wine.

Twelve years old and tied up in my basement.

Q: How many cops does it take to put in a light bulb? A: None, they just beat the room for being black. 😂😂😂

Rapist: "Get into the fucking van!"

Kid: "mi gniog ot tell ym momy"

Rapist: "Fine" (Grabs a white kid instead)

I'm so poor that I had to rob a food bank for a loaf of bread.

I needed a test on if I'm pregnant. Then the doc said, "Take your pants down." Then he put his penis in my vagina and said, "Now you are pregnant."

There once was a Mexican named Quan. He never talked about Dose. What happened to Dose?

Quan and Treis raped him. Once Quattro came out, they killed him. They were too poor to afford food, so they ended up eating Dose and Quattro.

What is red, white, and blue and makes me proud to live in this country?

The baby in the corner I choked, stabbed, and then came on.