Crime jokes
So you know how sheets are always so tight at hotels?
Well I looked under the bed and there is a freaking room cleaner holding the sheets. All he says is "Don't ask or you shall die!"
Jack and Jill went up the hill, both had Bacardi rum. When Jill's was gone, she wanted Jack's, that's why she took it from him.
What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?
Acne doesn't cum on a kid's face 'til they're 13 or 14.
I needed a test on if I'm pregnant. Then the doc said, "Take your pants down." Then he put his penis in my vagina and said, "Now you are pregnant."
"The rise of atheism is going to lead to a break down of social morals and lead to all kinds of filth, including an increase in child abuse," said the village priest.
The village scientists did some fact checking. In prison, they found roughly 70% of child abusers were hyper religious before committing the crimes, and another 20% converted to religions to look 'remorseful'. The remaining 10% preferred not to say. They presented the findings to the media.
"Scientists slander good religious folk and ignore the weight of evidence!"
"Is Science biased against religion? You decide in this survey," they reported.
The village priest is living at his majesty's convenience and tells the others he committed armed robbery.
"Why is this a joke? It's not even funny!" said the person reading this, breaking the forth wall.
What is funny is you got to the end of this post and didn't cringe. Why not?
Who is the new heterosexual Michael Joseph Jackson (pedophile)?
R. Kelly.
A man tried to attack me with milk and cheese—how dairy!
Yo mama is soooooo fat that she was arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack!
What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?
My last if she knows what's good for her.
Ever heard of rape jokes?
No?
Well, I'll MAKE you hear 'em!
I was at a supermarket in Barcelona and I noticed the alarm had gone off. There was a thief at the store; the tea bag section had been ransacked.
Luckily they found the thief, Pionel Pessi, with boxes of his favourite tea, Penaltea. Shame on you, Pessi!
Did you hear about the pervert who couldn't decide whether he was into incest or necrophilia?
He killed his mom and then fucked her.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because these jokes are not funny.
Here's why the chicken crossed the road...
The chicken was on the run from a crazy-ass butcher ready to murder the poor thing, so the chicken crossed the road. The chicken was crossing the road, then a blind kid saw the chicken, and the kid was hit by a flying rock, his vision was blurred (what vision?) and was actually cured of the blind. The chicken ran and jumped into a truck's opening and was never seen again... The kid got up from the ground and looked at the road, to see the chicken was not there, and said..." The chicken crossed the road...." The kid yelled at everyone about the chicken crossing the road and got a lot of positive attention. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Reddit were full of the chicken nonsense and gained widespread attention from N.A to Asia in only 1 day.
The butcher was arrested for the attempted murder of a joke animal and was sentenced to over 20 years in solitary confinement, and a few weeks later, the sentence was moved to a life sentence, and the butcher became known as The ChicKiller.
The End (hope you enjoyed, I was bored so I made this shit...)
A 14 year old girl was walking back home late at night, then a man was following her. An hour later, she got back home not only had she lost the stranger, but also her virginity.
Guys, you know any best rape roleplay? (I'm a guy, btw.)
The woman was thinking she wanted to have sex, but one second later, she did it on the street with a criminal.
Jeffery Epstein killed Hitler.
You can't put an orphan on house arrest if there isn't a house to arrest them to.
I put glue in a man :)
My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.