If I were a judge and gave you a sentence, I would sentence you to life for your looks.
Crime Jokes
What do you call an orphan with a gun?
(No) home shooter.
Statistics show 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
Person: So, Jimmy, what do you do all day?
Jimmy Savile: Anyone who I can do.
I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:
1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.
I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.
A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.
Man: Could you hold this for me?
Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*
Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!
What does Bill Cosby and someone eating at McDonald's have in common?
They're both mc lovin' what they're eating.
What do you call someone who kisses primary school kids?
Joshua Metcalfe
What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?
A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.
Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?
He got 12 months.
Worst joke ever.
Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"
I take back my comments on the United healthcare CEO.
Being poisoned by a nurse wouldn't be that bad of a way to die as long as the nurse diluted the potassium chloride first.
Q: What did the AISH worker say after her throat was slashed?
A: Ckkkkkk
If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, put on your helmet 'cause you're about to miss the short bus.
It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.
Weird.
Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.
What's the difference between a club and a bar?
I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.
Roses are red, Larry is bad.
I'VE GOT A GUN, get in the van!
Bill Cosplay
Pedophiles are really stupid and need to leave this earth.
