Crime jokes
"Lock him up, you know, Trump!"
Why am I in jail? Because I wasn't invited to the party in the orphanage 23 days ago. Stupid fucks.
Little Johnny likes to play with toy guns.
Little Johnny paints them black.
Little Johnny went to a gun store.
Little Johnny made a big mess.
The cemetery people were getting paid.
I think it was wrong for that school shooter to end his life at the scene.
He could have done some good by becoming some lonely lifer's bottom.
Why did the Mexican man push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
Memes
A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."
What do you call an Indian eating cows? Mooove to jail.
What do you call a chomo on the road? Roadkill.
Why did the orphan get arrested for identity theft?
He dressed up as Batman for Halloween.
How did the guy rob the water park?
He used a water gun!
LOL 💦🔫💧🌊
What does a terrorist get for Christmas?
A C4.
My friend said, "Let's have a sleepover."
Little did I know it was just at prison.
What is Armin Meiwes' ideal date? Dinner.
"What do you do with your free time?"
"I stalk."
"Really? I enjoy walks in the park, going to the movies, and hanging out with friends."
"I know."
How to be a hero.
1. Tie a noose in your front yard.
2. Find and capture a furry.
3. Hang that furry because they deserve it.
It’s easy as 1-2-3!
A farmer had a donkey and a dog. One night, he was getting robbed by a thief. The donkey told the dog to bark, but the dog refused. So the donkey brayed very loudly, and the thief ran out of the house, and the farmer beat up the donkey.
If I were a judge and gave you a sentence, I would sentence you to life for your looks.
What do you call an orphan with a gun?
(No) home shooter.
Statistics show 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
Person: So, Jimmy, what do you do all day?
Jimmy Savile: Anyone who I can do.