Crime jokes
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Stranger.
Stranger who?
Stranger, why are you in my house masticating my apparent dead wife?
What shoes does a pedophile wear?
White vans.
How many dead strippers does it take to change a light?
At least 13 because my basement is still dark.
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.
The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)
What's the difference between a priest and a rapist?
How can you tell when a female was raped? She crossed herself out.
How do paedophiles greet people?
"How are you, kid?"
What do you call an alligator detective??
An investi-gator.
When the school shooter shoots the autistic kid and he thinks he's having an orgasm.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?
The prostitute can wash her “crack” and sell it again.
Why do you go to the bank?
To get money.
When do you run from the bank?
When the cops come.
What's black, white, and red all over?
Lossvagus school shooting.
What does the sign say on the hooker house after they were on lockdown?
Answer: "We're on lockdown, get lost pervert."
How did the rape victim on a diet lose 21 grams?
She died.
What’s the best part of raping an 11 year old girl?
Killing the little bitch after you’ve finished with her.
What’s the difference between a bullet and a prostitute? They both burst a barrel.
Child predators: "You're so six-y."
Why did Jimmy throw the clock out the window? Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man who knife-raped his wife.
So you know how sheets are always so tight at hotels?
Well I looked under the bed and there is a freaking room cleaner holding the sheets. All he says is "Don't ask or you shall die!"
Jack and Jill went up the hill, both had Bacardi rum. When Jill's was gone, she wanted Jack's, that's why she took it from him.