Crime Jokes

The ice cream man tried to murder me today.

Child predators: "You're so six-y."

Pedophiles smell good.

I like my boo like I like my packages: straight out of the box.

What's the POINT in stabbing people?

HAHAHA

The image is divided into three parts. The left part shows a portrait of Kanye West. The top right part shows a diagram of two heads connected by lines representing telepathic communication. The bottom right shows a police car with flashing lights.

People often ask me what I would do for a Klondike bar. Well, I'd straight up put 5 hijackers on Flight 175 before it departed from Logan Airport at 8:14 a.m. on September 11, 2001.

Roses are red, I have a confession:

A man kills best friend after 10hrs anal sex session.

Q: How many cops does it take to put in a light bulb? A: None, they just beat the room for being black. 😂😂😂

The person to make the first cannabinol cookbook had a wife and ate (eight) children.

I like my women like I like my wine.

Twelve years old and tied up in my basement.

Rapist: "Get into the fucking van!"

Kid: "mi gniog ot tell ym momy"

Rapist: "Fine" (Grabs a white kid instead)

I'm so poor that I had to rob a food bank for a loaf of bread.

I needed a test on if I'm pregnant. Then the doc said, "Take your pants down." Then he put his penis in my vagina and said, "Now you are pregnant."

There once was a Mexican named Quan. He never talked about Dose. What happened to Dose?

Quan and Treis raped him. Once Quattro came out, they killed him. They were too poor to afford food, so they ended up eating Dose and Quattro.

What is red, white, and blue and makes me proud to live in this country?

The baby in the corner I choked, stabbed, and then came on.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because these jokes are not funny.

Here's why the chicken crossed the road...

The chicken was on the run from a crazy-ass butcher ready to murder the poor thing, so the chicken crossed the road. The chicken was crossing the road, then a blind kid saw the chicken, and the kid was hit by a flying rock, his vision was blurred (what vision?) and was actually cured of the blind. The chicken ran and jumped into a truck's opening and was never seen again... The kid got up from the ground and looked at the road, to see the chicken was not there, and said..." The chicken crossed the road...." The kid yelled at everyone about the chicken crossing the road and got a lot of positive attention. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Reddit were full of the chicken nonsense and gained widespread attention from N.A to Asia in only 1 day.

The butcher was arrested for the attempted murder of a joke animal and was sentenced to over 20 years in solitary confinement, and a few weeks later, the sentence was moved to a life sentence, and the butcher became known as The ChicKiller.

The End (hope you enjoyed, I was bored so I made this shit...)

What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison?

A small medium at large!

So, I was f**king my daughter the other night, and I don’t know what was funnier: the looks on my wife’s face when she walked in on me or the fact that the abortion clinic let me keep her.

Why did the boy shoot the clock?

I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!