Crime jokes
I had to go to my friend's house.
I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???
My brothers kept annoying me.
I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.
It was an empty threat—right after I was done.
Orphan kids only play GTA5 so they can be wanted.
These murder jokes are just KILLING me!
Say what you want about Jeffery Dahmer, but he always managed to get a head.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?
My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.
A man walks over to a little boy and asks, "Wanna see my tattoo of a bunny?"
The little boy replies with, "Yes please, I love bunnies!"
The man proceeds to pull his pants down and said, "Can you see it yet?"
The little boy curious says, "No, where is it?"
The man says, "Dig a little deeper, he runs into the hole when he gets scared!"
It's not a war crime if no one's alive to report it.
What do you call a bunch of people near each other?
The start of the Hollacoast.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it got mugged.
Why did the woman get raped in the ass?
She assed for it.
Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?
Because no one wants him.
Your mama's so young your dad went to jail.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Don’t worry, he woke up.
In my basement.
The emo kid's mom went to jail because the kid was hung.
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!
What do you call a prostitute weed dealer?
A pot-hole.
How do you turn rape into no rape? Steal her bank details for money transfer.
What is 3 feet tall and sits at the bottom of children's beds?
A: Garry Glitter's boots.
A black dude hits up a trap house for some crack and Hennessy, flashing his grill and boasting 'bout his gangsta life. The dealer snarls, "Pay up, fool. Or face the pipe!" He shrugs, "I'm broke, n***a." Suddenly, the dealer's ripped enforcer yanks him down, cuffs his hands with zip ties, shoves a vibrating dildo gag down his throat, slaps his ass red with a spiked paddle, then rams his throbbing monster cock into that tight hole, pounding savagely while choking him with a chain collar, flooding his guts with hot cum as he moans, "That's your high, bitch. Addicted yet?"