Crime jokes

What was George's last message to humanity before joining the others?

"I CAN'T BREATHE!"

Robber: This is a robbery, bitch!

Gunsalesman: No u

Paedophiles are f***ing immature assholes.

My son always said he wanted to skydive, so we went on a plane, and mid-flight, we had to jump out. The only issue is we were on a commercial flight to Arizona.

There is a Mexican sitting on a train.

The guy sitting next to him says, "I have a big dick."

The Mexican decides to get a lawnmower and some clippers. When he got off the train, the police found a dead body with no dick and pube hairs.

He asked for a shot of beer?

He got shot and killed.

ble get get get gettttt pull the glock pew pew pew pew pew thats the silencer BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM

Digga D, I'm a well known bandit, bandit. Had a new mash, just landed. Jheez, cop it, chop it, sand it, hand it. The verbal ting I can't stand it. Wife and two, got tanned when I banged it. Mad ting. Got a conspiracy case in the silliest Place, they're saying that I planned it, damn it. Back on a Feltham landing. You ain't been in the hood like Robin. I ride in hoods tryna leave man red (Crud). The sweets are goldy, yola drops and lots of dred (Maud). No porkies, pepper them pigeons, they chase this ped. Gyal tryna give man noddy, She ain't got balls in her tongue that's dead.

So, I met this girl and she was a 9 out of 10. I met this other girl who was 7 years old. The 7-year-old ate my 9 out of 10 girl because 7 was a psychopath.

What did the pedophile say to the kids?

"FUCK!"

What is one of the worst but funniest incidents ever: a bullet in a baby in a baggy in a barrel in a bus in a nuclear plant were all of the employee's are molesters?

Trump can get banned. The cops can tack him to jail, and Trump go go go go bye bye for good. Trump is meing.

My friend dared me to steal my other friend's watch. I tried, but failed. He really got me, dare.

Stranger: Tries to kidnap a kid.

Kid: Runs home.

A few minutes later, the kid was in the back of the van...

If you know, you know.

Why did the little girl cry twice?

Because you wiped your bloody shitty cock on her favorite teddy bear.

Bowser ordered his Goomba guards to arrest me because I wrote graffiti on the walls saying "The Koopalings are evil!" "Kill the Koopalings!" and "Down with the Koopalings!"

The man was Indian. He moved to England because he wanted to learn, so got a job at the store. He learned how to say "register," then he was a business man. He learned how to say "59887," then "restaurant," so he learned how to say "fork and knives." So a man came with a knife. The cop came and asked the man which was the killer who killed him. He said, "Him," and pointed to the Indian man. The cop asked, "What did you use?" He said, "Register." The cop asked for ID. "59887." The cop asked, "Anything on you, forks and knife?" He said, "Me me me."

How old are you...? I don’t give a shit, stfu and get in ma van.

“NO NO NO”

I’ll give you some candy.

“Oh ok🤩”

Is crummy bears alright??

I was eating my cereal while watching the news, then I saw my cereal on the news, saying he was a "serial" killer.

Why was 7 afraid of 9? Because he's a registered sex offender.