Crime jokes
Teacher: We have a new student today class, come introduce yourself.
Student: My name is Buttitches.
Teacher: Please tell us your real name.
Student: Buttitches.
Teacher: I’m calling the police.
Police: Son, please tell me your real name or I’m going to shoot you.
Student: Buttitches.
Police: *shoots gun.*
A few days later, the police go to the funeral and sits behind the mom. While crying, the mom says, "My Buttitches!" The police say, "We’ll scratch it, lady."
What did Jeff Dahmer say to the gays? Get over here and let me give you so much anal to where you die, DADDY! UWU!
I'm in the alagba association. Call 666-666-666 to join the gang. It's free and free kills duidui.
Why is a white prison inmate scarier than a black inmate?
The white guy did it!
My dad killed himself because he was Hitler.
I gotta do terrorist :)
What does the orphan have in common with Batman? They both lost their parents.
So, if being a paedophile is a career, then burying the bodies must be gardening.
Davin is a pedo.
How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just beat the room for it being black.
I was at my boyfriend's house, and I thought he was cheating on me. He was on the phone with somebody, and he said he'd be over there soon. So I asked him if I could see his phone. He said no, and then we fought about it until I saw his gun, and because I thought he was lying to me, I shot him, went through his phone, and his friend was still on the phone.
My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"
A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970, and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband.
She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.
Wait, what? Was he actually her husband?
He was a Christian, so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.
Wait, what? The Bible doesn't say that.
Actually yes, it does, and marital rape was legal until 1990.
WAIT WHAT? That's not funny.
I'll tell ya what's funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I know a pedophile,
And he says he knows you.
Mosely in a white van.
Why did Timmy throw the clock out the window?
It reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man convicted of knife raping his wife.
What's the best part of having sex with a baby?
Deep throat and anal at the same time.
Dani: Hey, do you like rapists?
Tess: No!
Dani: Oh, well I'm a rapist!
Tess: Oh!
Rape is so outdated, but when you pay them money, it is a popular date!
Why don't stags buy drugs? Because they are too deer.