Crime jokes
What did the man say when his girlfriend threw sodium and chloride at him?
That’s assault!
How did the gay man die? Homicide.
What do you call a dwarf with ESP that escaped a prison?
A small medium at large.
Roses are red, violets are blue, don't let your kids next to Prince Andrew.
P1: What's the difference between a kid and a hooker?
P2: I don't know.
P1: Wow, you sick fuck!
People say rape is bad. It is because I don't want STD and HIV.
Your mother is so fast, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack.
The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!
A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person. When the police asked why he missed, someone said, "'Cause he gay."
He couldn't shoot straight.
What does an Emo kid and Ted Bundy have in common?
They're both gay and use knives.
I was digging and found some gold. I was going to tell my mom, then I remembered why I was digging.
Why did the homeless man stop to help the kids cross the street?
To get them into his van.
Police officers hope you’re a criminal.
Doctors hope you get sick.
Mechanics hope you get car troubles.
But only thieves wish you prosperity.
Weird?
Someone burgled my house the other day. It was terrible.
They ripped all of the front and back pages of my dictionaries. Things went from bad to worse.
I have a body count of 7.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?
I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.
Why did the rape victim stop eating pears?
Because she was told that if you rearrange the letters "PEAR," it spells "rape."
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
Who makes more money, a drug dealer or a prostitute?
A prostitute, because she can always wash her crack and sell it again.
Jeffery Epstein killed Hitler.