Crime jokes

@shelby denver is a massive nonce.

What's the difference between 13 dead babies and a skeleton?

There aren't any, there's 13 skeletons in my closet.

What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison?

A small medium at large!

If a WOMAN gets RAPED, RUN INTO THE SECNE AND HELP HER.

What do you call an orphan with a gun?

(No) home shooter.

Person: So, Jimmy, what do you do all day?

Jimmy Savile: Anyone who I can do.

Why am I in jail?

All I did was cause 9/11.

It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.

Weird.

Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.

Statistics show 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, put on your helmet 'cause you're about to miss the short bus.

I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:

1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.

I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.

Why did the Mexican man push his wife off a cliff?

Tequila.

I got hired by an orphan to commit crimes, so he could become wanted.

What do you call an Indian eating cows? Mooove to jail.

Roses are red, violets are blue, give me free OnlyFans so I don't touch the youth.

This account is run by a peadophile.

My gardener found a dead body. Of the old gardener!

Girl, are you a public school? Because I want to shoot my kids inside you.

I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"

The Pope drives around in a glass box, or as I like to call him, a sniper's dream.