Crime jokes
What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff.
What's pink and rusty? Madeline McCann's bike.
What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?
I’d hit that.
A sandwich is a sandwich, but a Manwich is a meal.
-- Jeffery Dahmer
What does an orphan call a kidnapping?
A surprise adoption.
How did the rape victim on a diet lose 21 grams?
She died.
What's the difference between a priest and a rapist?
A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?
(Getting brutally murdered.)
What's the worst thing to hear in a prison shower?
"Drop the soap, we've got you surrounded."
Serial killers be like: "Blood is red, veins are blue, next one is YOU."
Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"
I don’t like the term "rape," I prefer: "struggle snuggle."
What's the difference between a Lambo and 200 children in my basement? One screams; the children don't.
Why do I call my priest daddy?
Because he raped my mom when she was 13. She's 27 now.
My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: "Why didn't you drug her again so she would forget?"
What’s one good thing about child molesters? They drive slow in a school zone.
What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...
Did you hear about the ninja pedophile? No one saw him coming.
There's this smart way to sneak a calculator into school. I've heard of it. You take the calculator, put it in a gun magazine, put the magazine in the gun, and bring the gun to school!
If you give a prostitute money, you will go to jail, but if you give a prostitute a Klondike bar, you will not go to jail. I would rather go to the casino and get more money for my buck.