Crime jokes
I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.
I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"
He gave me a book.
It was the Quran.
I said, "What the hell is that?"
He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."
What is pedophiles' favorite prey: Vegetables?
I raped your mom. I flipped her upside down and called the position "wow."
See you later, crocodile.
In a while, pedophile.
Once, there was a Minecraft child molester on the Minecraft Facebook. He asks a kid his age. The kid blocks him.
Memes
Rape is so outdated, but when you pay them money, it is a popular date!
A hitman walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "I'm here to assassinate John Tucker." The bartender replies, "He’s in the restroom." The hitman goes inside the restroom and comes out after 1 hour.
The bartender asks him, "Did you kill him?" The hitman replies with a sad face, “I asked him any last wishes and the guy asked me to allow him to finish his shit as he is half way in passing his stools, so I gave him my word that I would wait and so I waited for an hour, and when I asked him what’s taking him so long, he says he will not be able to finish because he is just getting started.”
Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:
1. USA was NEVER invaded!
2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!
3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!
4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.
5. We have more allies than you.
6. We are smaller but stronger.
7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
Teacher: We have a new student today class, come introduce yourself.
Student: My name is Buttitches.
Teacher: Please tell us your real name.
Student: Buttitches.
Teacher: I’m calling the police.
Police: Son, please tell me your real name or I’m going to shoot you.
Student: Buttitches.
Police: *shoots gun.*
A few days later, the police go to the funeral and sits behind the mom. While crying, the mom says, "My Buttitches!" The police say, "We’ll scratch it, lady."
Who is the new heterosexual Michael Joseph Jackson (pedophile)?
R. Kelly.
What did Jeff Dahmer say to the gays? Get over here and let me give you so much anal to where you die, DADDY! UWU!
What does the sign say on the hooker house after they were on lockdown?
Answer: "We're on lockdown, get lost pervert."
Q. What do rapists fear more than rabies?
A. Rape babies.
How did the rape victim on a diet lose 21 grams?
She died.
Why is a white prison inmate scarier than a black inmate?
The white guy did it!
My dad killed himself because he was Hitler.
I gotta do terrorist :)
How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just beat the room for it being black.
So, if being a paedophile is a career, then burying the bodies must be gardening.