Crime Jokes

My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"

What's the best part of having sex with a baby?

Deep throat and anal at the same time.

Mosely in a white van.

Why did Timmy throw the clock out the window?

It reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man convicted of knife raping his wife.

Dani: Hey, do you like rapists?

Tess: No!

Dani: Oh, well I'm a rapist!

Tess: Oh!

A distorted image of Donald Trump, with the text "You like trying to overthrow the government, don't you?"

Why don't stags buy drugs? Because they are too deer.

I molested a child today, and it felt quite lovely on my penis! 👍

Why didn't Donald Trump pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him?

Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.

What do you call a fat man with a rape whistle? Hogan!

What's the difference between a mole and a priest?

One will till your 13 to put hairs on your face.

What do you call an Asian that steals cars? Tommy toke a motor.

Why did the terrorists crash?

They were doing the job they loved but not getting paid.

Lol.

There was a kid in a wheelchair. I put him on fire and called him Hot Wheels.

How many gangsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

35! Do you have a problem with that?

Why didn't the 6th of Jan go well? Cause the shitty Trump supporters didn't carry out the damn job correctly and let the president down. Also, hang Mike Pence!

There were two sisters. They said they were supporting nine eleven, so I shot one of the sister's kneecaps, and the other sister got shot in the head.