Crime jokes
When you're playing online with your friend, then you hear a kid scream: "No, Dad, please stop!" Scream ends with a gunshot.
Things you never want to do in jail:
- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.
What is black and blue and really hates sex? The six-year-old in my basement.
I gotta do terrorist :)
Your mama's so young your dad went to jail.
My wife slept with another man and got pregnant. She told me 9 weeks later. I said it's ok and told her let's talk downstairs, so I pushed her down the stairs.
First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"
HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"
How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!
What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.
Q: What happens to KID who NAPs near a stranger?
A: He gets KID-NAPPED (kidnapped).
A priest, a pedophile, and a rapist walk into a bar. He sits down and orders a drink.
My girlfriend called me a pedophile.
And I said, "That's a big word for a 5-year-old!"
What's the most illegal activity in Africa?
Watering the plants.
What's the hardest thing about being a rapist?
My dick.
Why is rape worse than death?
Because dead people get way more attention.
I took my mother-in-law out today...
I love being a sniper.
What do you call an orphan with a gun?
(No) home shooter.
I stole a wheelchair. I knew the owner would come crawling back.
Why do orphans never get 5 stars in GTA 5? Because they are not wanted!
How are abortion and rape different? At least the rape victim usually deserves it and isn't defenseless.