Crime jokes
I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.
I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He pirated GTA VI Hindi No Virus 2022.
I saw some terrorists on Family Feud. It looked like they had three strikes!
What happens when you bring a paedophile to a baby's birthday party?
You will have even more birthday parties to go to.
What's black, white, and red all over?
Lossvagus school shooting.
If R. Kelly was a therapist:
14 year old: I hate my life.
R. Kelly: I feel you.
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."
Why can't Michael Jackson play baseball?
He made a hit and run!
What does a sex offender that is a lesbian have in common with a sex offender that is a feminist?
They only performed cunnilingus on girls under 18 years old.
Q: What's red during puberty?
A: The blood on my hands.
Last time I got caught stealing a calendar, I got 12 months.
"The rise of atheism is going to lead to a break down of social morals and lead to all kinds of filth, including an increase in child abuse," said the village priest.
The village scientists did some fact checking. In prison, they found roughly 70% of child abusers were hyper religious before committing the crimes, and another 20% converted to religions to look 'remorseful'. The remaining 10% preferred not to say. They presented the findings to the media.
"Scientists slander good religious folk and ignore the weight of evidence!"
"Is Science biased against religion? You decide in this survey," they reported.
The village priest is living at his majesty's convenience and tells the others he committed armed robbery.
"Why is this a joke? It's not even funny!" said the person reading this, breaking the forth wall.
What is funny is you got to the end of this post and didn't cringe. Why not?
A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.
Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"
Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"
Priest: "Fuck the children."
Rabbi: "Do we have time?"
Priest: "There's always time for something like that."
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
To buy a house.
Say what you want about Jeffrey Epstein, but at least he knew how to take out the trash.
What is a nonce's favorite toy...? You.
What do you call a disabled person who deals drugs?
A wheel dealer.
What's the difference between Madeline McCann and Batman?
Batman returns.
What do James Doyle and Hannah Doyle have in common?
John fucked them both in the rear.
Where did Jeffrey Epstein go to college?
Bring them young.