Crime jokes
Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?
They say he had locomotives.
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
To get to the other preschool.
You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?
Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.
[being buried alive]
Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?
Me: Do you ever just walk into a room and forget what you were doing?
Bank teller: [eyes wide] Uhhhhh...
Me: *scratches head with gun* Man, I hate it when this happens.
What's black and white and red all over?
A massacre at a funeral.
1 like = 1 more child in my basement.
Why is rape worse than death?
Because dead people get way more attention.
I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said, “Did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied, “Do you mean Nein millimeter?”
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
How did the necrophiliac get caught?
Some rotten cunt split on him....
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a six-year-old.
I keep looking for my girlfriend's killer, but no one wants to do it.
I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"
The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"
I groomed 2 minors today.
"Man, your jokes about homicide are totally killer!"
What do you find in Jeffrey Dahmer's shower?
Heads and shoulders.
What do you call a sneaky child molester?
Incogpedo.
Q: What is the difference between Austin Matthews and a priest?
A: One looks like a pedophile and one is a pedophile.