Crime jokes
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a six-year-old.
What do kidnappers and Mickey Mouse have in common? They say, "Come inside, it’s fun inside."
I crashed into those motherfuckers! 😂😂😂
Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins... I just go to the local primary school.
Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?
They say he had locomotives.
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
To get to the other preschool.
[being buried alive]
Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?
Me: Do you ever just walk into a room and forget what you were doing?
Bank teller: [eyes wide] Uhhhhh...
Me: *scratches head with gun* Man, I hate it when this happens.
You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?
Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.
What's black and white and red all over?
A massacre at a funeral.
1 like = 1 more child in my basement.
All rape can be prevented. It's just a matter of semantics.
Why is rape worse than death?
Because dead people get way more attention.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
How did the necrophiliac get caught?
Some rotten cunt split on him....
I keep looking for my girlfriend's killer, but no one wants to do it.
I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"
The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"
What do you find in Jeffrey Dahmer's shower?
Heads and shoulders.
What do you call a sneaky child molester?
Incogpedo.