Crime jokes
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar.
He orders a beer.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and called it "Hot Wheels."
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.
"Prince, be honest, do you still love me?"
Jimmy Savile should have presented Pop off the Tops instead of Top of the Pops.
What's the difference between me and Bill Cosby?
I haven't been caught.
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The guy behind the bar says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets!"
One day, a man was walking in an alley when a crackhead attacks him. So the man shoots him in the head and runs inside his home. When he goes to his wife, she asks him if he saw her dad.
Q: What do Epstein and Dahmer have in common?
A: They both like to eat kids in and out.
What's the difference between babies and onions?
You don't cry cutting up babies.
How do people grade pedophiles?
1st grade to 8th grade.
(I know it's orphan jokes but still)
What do you call a prostitute weed dealer?
A pot-hole.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite toy?
Wet 6-year-old balls.
So, once upon a time, there was a man who lived in his house with his wife.
He got up to go out to work and closed the front door behind him.
Not even four seconds later, he came back inside panicking, saying, "There's a rabbit with a gun outside!"
The wife replied, "Oh, don't worry, rabbits don't have guns. They can't shoot people; you must be imagining things."
The man calmed down for a few minutes, and after some reassuring, he eventually decided to try to go back out to work again.
So he stepped outside the front door, and the rabbit shot him.
A cop pulls two Arabian men over, walks up to their window, and says, "We are looking for two child molesters!"
Now after a short pause, the two men look at each other, then back at the officer and say, "We'll do it!"
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.
Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.
You call it a school shooting.
I call it an unfair shootout.
Why was the kid not able to cross the hallway?
Answer: The school shooter already shot him in the middle of the hallway.
Why do orphans commit crimes?
It’s the only time they’re ever wanted.