Crime jokes
Why can orphans never be kidnapped?
No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."
I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.
The priest is in jail now.
My brother is ugly. One time he stuck his head out the window. The police arrested for mooning.
I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy and then I was arrested for assault.
The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
How are rape and airplanes similar?
The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.
I bought some sneakers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.
Why is the thief so good at basketball? Because he can shoot, steal, and run.
Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?
- He robbed children of their innocence.
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"
What do city plumbers and pedophiles have in common?
They both lay pipes in public parks.
All rape can be prevented. It's just a matter of semantics.
Yo mama is so ugly she's the reason why Batman fights crime at night.
I'm not looking for consent, I'm looking for cooperation!
I was talking to my friend, and he said, "I lost my virginity to a girl, and then she stopped coming to school." And I said, "Probably because she was fired."
When you hear Michael Jackson talk about his "perfect 10," make sure you hide your 10-year-old son.
Q. How does a feminist stop a rapist?
A. By using her equal strength.
Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they don't shoot up schools.
Why is a white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
The white guy actually did it.
What's the hardest thing about being a rapist?
My dick.
Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
Poor bastard.