Crime jokes
I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy and then I was arrested for assault.
The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
What do you find in Jeffrey Dahmer's shower?
Heads and shoulders.
Why can orphans never be kidnapped?
No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."
I groomed 2 minors today.
What do you call a sneaky child molester?
Incogpedo.
Memes
Ohio getting out of hand
"Man, your jokes about homicide are totally killer!"
Q: What is the difference between Austin Matthews and a priest?
A: One looks like a pedophile and one is a pedophile.
I bought some sneakers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.
Why is the thief so good at basketball? Because he can shoot, steal, and run.
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"
All rape can be prevented. It's just a matter of semantics.
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a six-year-old.
I'm not looking for consent, I'm looking for cooperation!
I was talking to my friend, and he said, "I lost my virginity to a girl, and then she stopped coming to school." And I said, "Probably because she was fired."
What do city plumbers and pedophiles have in common?
They both lay pipes in public parks.
What's the hardest thing about being a rapist?
My dick.
What do you call a psychic midget in trouble with the law?
A small medium at large.
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
Why is a white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
The white guy actually did it.
It's not rape if she doesn't say no.
Two options: - Chloroform. - Duct Tape.