What's a pedophile's favorite cooking ingredient?...... Fresh meat.
I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy and then I was arrested for assault.
The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
I bought some sneakers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.
Did you know cannibals ate KFC?
Kentucky Fried Children.
Why is the thief so good at basketball? Because he can shoot, steal, and run.
How did the necrophiliac get caught?
Some rotten cunt split on him....
I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a six-year-old.
Why is rape worse than death?
Because dead people get way more attention.
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"
I'm not looking for consent, I'm looking for cooperation!
What's the hardest thing about being a rapist?
My dick.
How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true, and then the person is a victim for sure.
What do city plumbers and pedophiles have in common?
They both lay pipes in public parks.
What do you call a psychic midget in trouble with the law?
A small medium at large.
So, I was raping this girl the other night, and she said, "Please just think of my kids!" I was like, "What a freak."
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
A straight man and a gay man are talking. The straight man says, "I'm wanted in 2 states for murder." and the gay man replies with, "Oh, that sucks. I'm wanted in 13 for existing."
Why is a white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
The white guy actually did it.
Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they don't shoot up schools.
