Crime jokes
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
To buy a house.
Ever heard of rape jokes?
No?
Well, I'll MAKE you hear 'em!
What do Somalians excel at in the United States?
Welfare fraud.
I’m here to collect my bounty, what’s your bounty? Your pants.
What do you call a protest that gets crowded?
Human trafficking.
A Russian, a Brit, and a terrorist are in an air balloon.
First, the Russian says, "I dare to throw a stone down!" So he does that, but the others don't seem to be impressed. So the Brit says, "I dare to throw a brick down!" So again he does that, the Russian is impressed, but the terrorist laughs and says, "I dare to throw a bomb down!" So he does that and everybody can't believe what they have just seen. So a bit further, they land, and a shocked and afraid little boy comes running up to them. So they ask what happened, on which the little boy said, "I farted and my school exploded."
What is a kidnapper's favorite shoe?
White vans.
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!
Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"
Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.
Why do orphans like robbing banks?
So they can be wanted.
Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
Today my ex got hit by a bus.
I also lost my job as a bus driver.
Why do pedophiles come in last place for every race... because they are always in the back (if you know what I mean)?
I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday. Let's just say I quit my job as a butcher.
Why can't Michael Jackson play baseball?
He made a hit and run!
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedophile have in common?
"Are you ready kids?"
On my signal, I would like you to drive onto the pavement (sidewalk) and run over my ex-wife.
What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff.
What's pink and rusty? Madeline McCann's bike.
Why should you always wear rubber?
So you don’t leave DNA evidence.
Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?
Because no one wants him.